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My husband and I will be empty nesters next year, but we are only in our mid forties (kids are 17 & 18). We are currently looking at moving closer to town, but why do I feel funky about it all?

The house we are looking at is beautiful and large. The main living area (main floor) has everything my husband and I would need to live (great room/kitchen/laundry/office/dining room/master bed & bath). Upstairs are two bedrooms with bathrooms, and inlaw suite above the garage and finally, a basement (semi-finished). There are beautiful horse facilities, swimming pool, awesome location. Close to town, but still on 40 acres and this area has been growing like crazy. We are moving to get closer to town - eliminate the hour drive we currently have. It's in Colorado and has beautiful mountain views and the lot is very pretty.

Here is where I feel funky... we are getting into a bigger house just as our kids leave. Financially it will be a bigger mortgage, though one we can do. The style of the home is log style (along with a lot of stucco), but that is definitely the style. I would say this has never been a style we sought out, but I say go for it in Colorado! It feels strange to be moving to a larger home at this stage. I'm a stay at home gal so I will be there a lot. I don't know.... just trying to get my head around it. The big advantage over where we live now is that we could have people stay with us from out of town and could have more friends over since we are so much closer to where they all are.

I guess I'm just thinking out loud. Has anyone made this type of adjustment? Are these feelings normal or are they telling me something's wrong?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: christyinco,

Land is nice but needs tending too and bigger house means more cleaning and higher utilities and more upkeep .Things break down and things happen .The you never know and if you feel strange about it then it must not be right .I retired at 50 moved to VA and had a 2440 sq. ft. house built on 3 acres with a basement and total cost was 89 thousand and I knew it was right and it felt right from the beginning .If you are double thinking then it must not be right .I have no mortgage ,I paid cash .No new vehicles ,i did not need them and own 2 -2001 ford explorers

Funny we did the same thing, after the last child left we bought a bigger, better house. It turned out well as our kids married, had children, we have room for all of them to visit.
You might find it is good for ten or twenty years, you don't need to live there forever, when it doesn't work any more then it is time to again make a different choice.
I also thought it odd to get a bigger house, but find many people have done the same thing.
Now we've moved to another stage, I've loved our larger house, but I'm tired of a three story dis-jointed house. I still want a house large enough for big get togethers (we love to entertain), but now I want a two story, a house I can stay in forever if I want, but who knows what tomorrow brings.
Bottomline I think it is normal to feel a bit funky, it may be because it is the wrong choice, but it may just be the change is nostalgic.

I've always trusted and believed in "following your gut instincts."

If you're having second thoughts, maybe you should think long and hard about this decision.

While you say your kids will be "leaving home," I've heard lots and lots of stories about how kids are having a hard time finding jobs and are either staying home with their parents longer, or are actuallly moving back home with the folks.

Soooooo, you might want to consider the above.

Also, you mention you like to entertain and have guests stay at your home - Think about how often you will have overnight guests and weigh it against feeling you have more room than you actually need (?)

One never knows what surprises life will bring, but as long as you feel secure about both your jobs and your health, and you can afford it...

...go for what you want, once you get over your "jitters."

I say, if you can afford it then go for it!! You had a nuclear family of four, but when boys really grow up get married they will come with kids and spouses all which require more room My family of 4 is now 11 when the out of town kids come back for visits. I'd not focus on # of BRs, but focus on getting a larger dining area and great room to accommodate all when they come back so you can spend time together. Between sleeper sofas and blow up mattresses you can always accommodate sleeping needs. We always are having friends out to our home so entertaining more often might be in your future if you move closer. Go for it!!

That is exactly what DH & I did....
We're empty nesters, got both kids through college and off on their own.

When we decided to relocate to be closer to the kids, we kept looking at "empty nester houses" and kept saying...where will the kids sleep if they spend the night....what about grandkids....where will they sleep....so we ended up witha 3000 sf house....we love it....the kids come and spend the night quite often.....we lve to hang out in the family room....and vist and spend time together. I don't know what I would have done in an "empty nester house"!!!

In recent years, the rate of houses bought for cash has grown. Buyers who can afford it enjoy not having to go through the hassle and expense of finding a loan. Furthermore, house sellers will often lower the cost of a house to have the safety and quick closure that comes with cash sales. On the other hand, young people getting for the first time have found their offers ignored for cash on the table.

My DD just turned 40; she plans to relocate to a nearby city and asked me to help house hunt - using my "old" eyes & aging knees.
She agrees with my criteria: single story, adequate storage, 1 or more bathrooms easily retrofitted for handicap access, easy upkeep house & yard (garden), and a his & hers workshop
Because of our lifestyles a formal dining room or living room would be unused. Luckily we found a house with a large greatroom and kitchen....fingers crossed there are no hitches in escrow

This message has been edited. Last edited by: tessa89,

I am so glad that you started this post. I actually joined to thank you. My husband and I had an opportunity to upgrade our home. The home we just bought is only five years old and has a fantastic layout. We love our current home but we have been frustrated with the sizes of the rooms, the small closets, the small laundry room, and honestly we outgrew it about five years ago. After our boys got over 5'9". Their bedrooms are so small that they could only fit twin beds in them. We have been able to manage, obviously, but we did dream of a bigger home with a better layout.

So finding our dream home would seem like a no-brainer. The issue is that my youngest graduates this year. We have had a few people question our decision. Unfortunately that makes me doubt our decision. I think once we live there and make it our own I will feel more confident. So seeing your post and the comments on this thread have helped me put my mind at ease. We love the house, we're in our early 40s, were not on our death beds, and we can certainly enjoy and keep up with a bigger house.

I look forward to having my family come and having the space to house us all. The layout of the new house specifically the way it flows, how the great room is open to the kitchen and the big dining room, the basement, bigger bedrooms, are all reasons for me to love the house. Our current house is a cookie cutter house compared to the new house.

We have talked about building a new house. After we looked at the new house we put everything on the table and talked about all of the options. If we built a new house I would want the same house we bought without the upper level. Building would have cost significantly more. This was a "hot" sale due to divorce. LOL I am "talking out loud" too. (:

Sometimes the negativity gets to me. Most people are happy for us but the few who mention the size hit a nerve because it does seem backwards to me too. Sometimes I wonder if I'm dreaming and that is going to be too much when it is just the two of us.

Have you moved yet? How are you feeling now? For those of you who moved into a bigger house after the children were leaving how do you feel about it now?

The person that mentions how the house flows really got me thinking about how our current house has flow issues. It is really awkward to entertain in. The living room is really awkward and hard to explain without giving details. We redid the kitchen a few years ago and so that is a lot better and I will certainly miss my kitchen. But the kitchen only has two chairs. The only place to entertain is the formal dining room and sometimes it feels less intimate. So I am looking forward to having a open space. I'm still anxious, and a little nervous, but a little excited.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Gina Schau,

quote:

Here is where I feel funky... we are getting into a bigger house just as our kids leave. Financially it will be a bigger mortgage

<<< says it all: no NEED for a larger house, and financially best to have no mortgage.
Reassess your current wants and needs; retirement expectations await the next "stage"

This message has been edited. Last edited by: tessa89,

quote:

Originally posted by tessa89:

<<< says it all: no NEED for a larger house, and financially best to have no mortgage.
Reassess your wants and needs; retirement expectations hopefully met

I for one do not see much benefit in a paid for house unless you are 80 years old.

If you put all your money into paying off a mortgage there is no guarantee you will be able to get the money out of your home in case of an emergency.

With money available at 3% - 4% it makes no sense to not keep cash available.

It is hard to say no to a house that is not practical but is love at first sight. This is where you have to say NO. I know buying a house is frequently a love relationship, but there are some practicalities involved also.

What do you and your husband want to do now that you are empty nesters and how will the bigger house payment affect that? I would never want to be tied down to my house, no matter how much I love it.

quote:

Originally posted by Charming:

quote:

Originally posted by tessa89:

<<< says it all: no NEED for a larger house, and financially best to have no mortgage.
Reassess your wants and needs; retirement expectations hopefully met

I for one do not see much benefit in a paid for house unless you are 80 years old.

If you put all your money into paying off a mortgage there is no guarantee you will be able to get the money out of your home in case of an emergency.

With money available at 3% - 4% it makes no sense to not keep cash available.

It is hard to say no to a house that is not practical but is love at first sight. This is where you have to say NO. I know buying a house is frequently a love relationship, but there are some practicalities involved also.

What do you and your husband want to do now that you are empty nesters and how will the bigger house payment affect that? I would never want to be tied down to my house, no matter how much I love it.

I agree, I certainly don't recommend anyone be house poor in either a paid off house or one with a high mortgage. Yes, the OP does not NEED a larger house, but if one is WANTED, they can afford it, why not, we all have different wants and needs, it is good to give our opinions, but we don't much about the OP's finances.
Some people move many times, some like to stay put forever, I say go for what works for you now, as your life changes adjust your life, don't spend too much time worrying about the far away future.

christyinco...what did you decide?

I didn't really have any comments to add after reading the others...other than me/DH are now building our 4th last house; we are early 60s and love to try dif locales...