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We've been looking at various homes for the past 3 months and have actually been under contract with 4 homes. The first one we couldn't agree on price; the second one was a short sale that didn't go through the bank properly; the 3rd came down to a fence that needed to go around the pool to satisfy county code; and we are one house 4, which is in jeopardy due to a noxious weed that is present on the property. These have all been on 35+ acres. The other thing he keeps saying is taht he really likes our current home. The reason we are moving is to get closer to town - his idea initially. He is already a difficult person to do a deal with and this 4th house has been the best so far as far as seller willingness and price. If he bails because of a noxious weed that needs some control efforts each season, then I have to throw up my hands.

This has been very emotionally draining and I told him that if we don't purchase this house I am done. We aren't moving. There are good reasons to move (location and space), but I'm just tired. I have boxes that I've packed and have been on hold for 3 months. I just don't think he's really into it. Would you agree or am I being ridiculous and overemotional?

Thanks in advance. I want to be strong, but am fading.

quote:

Originally posted by christyinco:
We've been looking at various homes for the past 3 months and have actually been under contract with 4 homes. The first one we couldn't agree on price; the second one was a short sale that didn't go through the bank properly; the 3rd came down to a fence that needed to go around the pool to satisfy county code; and we are one house 4, which is in jeopardy due to a noxious weed that is present on the property. These have all been on 35+ acres. The other thing he keeps saying is taht he really likes our current home. The reason we are moving is to get closer to town - his idea initially. He is already a difficult person to do a deal with and this 4th house has been the best so far as far as seller willingness and price. If he bails because of a noxious weed that needs some control efforts each season, then I have to throw up my hands.

This has been very emotionally draining and I told him that if we don't purchase this house I am done. We aren't moving. There are good reasons to move (location and space), but I'm just tired. I have boxes that I've packed and have been on hold for 3 months. I just don't think he's really into it. Would you agree or am I being ridiculous and overemotional?

Thanks in advance. I want to be strong, but am fading.

Noxious weed?

I understand you pain. I think it is time to sit down and have a heart to heart. You are not doing yourself any good by getting all excited about a new house and then have the rug pulled out each time.

Questions for DH:
1 - Do you want to move?
2. What do you expect from a new property?
3. Where do you want to live?
4. What are your REAL price limits?
5. Do you want to buy land and build?
6. How much effort are you willing to put into this?

Make a list of your concerns and have a talk with your husband. Clear the air and if you must - start from scratch.

The types of properties you've been considering require you to both be on the same page.

Good luck.

I also understand your pain. It seems that your husband's original intentions for the move have taken a beating, so his tolerance for more "abuse" is running on empty.

Having a heart-to-heart along with sharing your own fears as to how his behavior is making you feel may help break through his resistance to seeing this 4th deal through. Weeds would seem to be the least of all the issues you've run across in your house buying experience. Consider getting quotes from 2-3 landscapers for the annual spraying so your husband can't walk away based on inaccurate assumptions.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Jewel,

Good idea Jewel - I will look into that option.

Both Charming and Jewel have posted some wise words that are well-worth considering. I'll add a few more words - you can decide if they are wise or not.

I do think that, even though the move was originally your DH's idea, he is getting "seller's remorse" without even selling yet. The more he sees what is involved in leaving your current home for a new home, the more he is regretting bringing up the subject. However, we all know that most men have difficulty admitting that what they thought was a good idea at the time just might not have been one!


There are ALWAYS going to be problems and extra work involved in owning an acreage ~ especially one of the size you have been considering. If it's not irrigation, fencing, fire-proofing, road maintenance, noxious weeds, it will be something else. I don't know the size of your current property - is it as large or smaller? Even if it is as large, I'll bet that he feels comfortable with what it entails which isn't the same as a new place with a new set of problems.

You definitely need to have a "sit-down" NOW before you endure any more stress about the ups and downs of the situation; chances are he doesn't realize how much the uncertainty has been affecting you. And, since the move was his idea, I'm assuming you are okay with staying put for now, so maybe put things on hold for a while and take a break from the double pressure of simultaneously buying and selling both the ideal future place and your current home!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Idaho Resident,

We did talk last night and he assured me he wanted to move and that he would really work on making this happen for us. Still, he is the kind of person that would let these things kill deals. He's always been very choosey about purchasing homes (this would be our 6th home that we've purchased together) and he is always the one who finds the house... not the agent. He has actually gone and looked at furniture and appliances for the house, which is a first - his idea. Part of what I think is troubling him is moving from our current county (a rural county) to a more suburban county and the regulations, but that will be with any house we choose if we move closer in. Oh, we have 40 acres out here so the size of land is not the issue, but could be the unknown of the land as Idaho Resident pointed out.

Does he have allergies to those certain weeds?

Does he have allergies/fears of sprays to control the weeds?

I believe you mentioned some place that you had horses.
If you choose to have that new property sprayed you need to make sure whatever is used won't affect the horses and/or how long you would have to keep them off the land that was sprayed to avoid any problems.

Update - we are all good now. Had great discussions and are closing on the house tomorrow. Whew!

Oh, so happy for you!

I was quietly following your adventure. And now I enthusiastically shout out, "Congratulations!!!"

Glad it worked out...

Hope the closing went smoothly and your move will be easy-peasy! Keep us posted when you have a spare moment

So, christyinco, did the closing happen? Hope you are busy packing as this message is posting!