My step mom is leaving my father due to the abuse he deals on her and their children. That's the shortest version of the story. Just the background. The reason Im here is this... She found a home she likes for 39k (Foreclosed) but she cant get a mortgage nor a loan because her credit is below 460. She really wants this house because she is trying to get away from my father as fast as she can. We have been trying to find a co-signer, but with credit that bad, if a lender wont touch you, why would a co-signer? Anyway, her mom wont help. We have asked anyone we could. Does anyone here have any advice they can offer??? (Her credit is 586 I think...)


btw: She cant live in an apartment. Rental properties are also out of the question. Also, shelters.

She sounds like a bad credit risk- thats why no bank or cosigner will consider any lending option. Renting is her only option until she goes to work and works to rebuild her credit and bring income up until she regains financial footing. Homeownership isn't for everyone. By the way, why can't she rent? Millions of folks do.

Forget the foreclosure home.
Bank owned property will not be an option for those with not enough cash funds or a high enough credit rating. The bank will simply sit on it rather than risk another turnover.

Perhaps she can find a friend, relative or coworker that can offer her temporary housing in their home or apartment? She can help with utilities and other bartered tasks until she can save some money and increase her credit numbers.

FHA minimal credit score to qualify is 640. Best to take care of the issue at hand...keep the family safe in a safe environment with friends or family.

SHe may have to rent for a while while she repairs herself and her credit. One additional option is to find a property with a rent with option to purchase.

She can afford the place -- income isnt the issue, it's the credit that is. A reason why she wont rent is because of how little rent options there are around here and because rent in this area is higher than typical mortgage pages. That and they have too many rules. She doesn't like paying for something that others can control, if that makes sense. I'm not sure. But we have looked at rental places in the area and all the ones there are, she thinks are too dumpy, run down or cost too much. The only rent to own we found was 1000 a month. We need a 3-4 bedroom with at least two bedrooms. That's also why we can't get an apartment. It's not easy to find a 3-4 bedroom apartment with 2 bathrooms. There are five of us.. So.. Also, we have tried talking to friends and family.. No one is willing to help us get a house, why would they be willing to take us in? Most of them just called us selfish freeloaders and kicked us out and told us not to come back. so I really don't know what to do from here. But i have seen people get homes on less than 640. It's possible, I just don't know how

I am not a mortgage expert, but I do know that people with terrible credit can get a mortgage, but it will cost A LOT in higher interest rates.

Here is a link with some basic info: http://homebuying.about.com/od...-Credit-Mortgage.htm

Any property your StepMom buys prior to the divorce may be considered a joint asset with your Dad. Pretty sure that the last thing she needs to have to worry about him getting half of her new house.

Even if renting doesn't seem to make sense, it's actually the most prudent move she can make until the divorce is final, for many reasons.

Edited to add: renting something smaller than desired isn't going to be the perfect situation, but keep in mind it doesn't need to be as it's not the long term plan. Your family of five can survive very well in a 2-3 bd/1 bath apartment if needed. You all can also figure out how to live within an apartment complex's rules for the short term so you can have a roof over your head.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Jewel,

quote:

Originally posted by AzureKitsune:
But we have looked at rental places in the area and all the ones there are, she thinks are too dumpy, run down or cost too much. The only rent to own we found was 1000 a month. We need a 3-4 bedroom with at least two bedrooms. That's also why we can't get an apartment. It's not easy to find a 3-4 bedroom apartment with 2 bathrooms. There are five of us..

I raised my 4 children in a small, house with 1 bathroom , no central heat and air....just space heaters and box fans in the windows. In the south AL summer heat.

There were always friends of the kids visiting and at one time we had custody of 2 teen siblings...so that made 2 adults, 4 teens, and 2 children and ONE bathroom. But we got by, and we had a home filled with love and my kids have lots of happy childhood memories.

We were later able to move into a larger house with 2 bathrooms. We thought we were living in luxury!

So your mom might have to settle until she can put her life together and rebuild her credit. It's not about the size of the home or number of bedrooms and bathrooms it has, but about the love it is filled with.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Becky56,

AzureKit, You are to be commended for seeking ideas and suggestions on behalf of your step-mom who is married to your father and wants to leave because it is an abusive situation and there are three other children involved as well since you last posted that "there are five of us."

You stated income wasn't the problem; that credit was but I wonder if you understand just how closely the two are inter-related? Bottom line, your step-mom's credit score indicates that she hasn't been responsible in the past but that doesn't mean that she can't change it for the better in the future... there is hope for all of you.

There is a big difference between what is wanted vs. what is necessary: A 2 bedroom/1 bath apartment is totally adequate for the five of you to get started on your way to a better way of life. You and your step-mom can share one bedroom and the three younger ones can share the second with a twin and bunk-beds and one bath has been shared for many years between a family of five.

Since you posted no one wants to help, not family or friends, perhaps you need to have a talk with your step-mom about her expectations and conditions for leaving an abusive situation. IMHO, if a situation is abusive, you should leave NOW and, if a shelter isn't the right answer, then a minimal rental needs to do...

Please post back and let us know how things are. It sounds to me as if you have a lot on your shoulders right now and your step-mom needs to realize that things will never be perfect in order to leave a poor situation so she needs to accept reality. No one is going to magically appear as a co-signor; not are banks going to change their requirements. Instead SHE needs to be the one willing to change ~ accept apartment living for the time being ~ and realize that it will all change for the better once she does...

If nothing else I have said makes sense to you, please know this from the bottom of my heart: If the situation is truly abusive, LEAVE NOW and sort out the rest later; it can be a win-win situation but it is up to her, not you. Please post back. I fear you are feeling very alone right now ~ you aren't alone. Many, many of us here on the boards care about you and the rest of the members in your family.

aychihuahua -- We are fine with high interests rates, we just need to get a mortgage. However, all the companies and lenders around us keep saying you have to have at least a score of 640, and my step mom's is around 580. Basic info wont help. We have done intensive research and still come up with nothing. Even HRA's wont help...

Jewel -- It's not a divorce. Her and my father aren't really married, so technically, she's not really my step mom. I just call her as such because.. Well. she might as well be. just because they arent legally married doesnt mean anything - she's like a mother to me. On that note, legally my father isnt even my father. He's not on my birth certificate. I just left out all of this information because it was mostly unrelated and it was very complicated. In the end, your point about her buying a place before the divorce means nothing. They arent divorcing as they arent married. She is just leaving. Also, 3 bedroom apartments in this area are out of our price range. The cheapest we have ever found that is close to our work and the kids' school is 750 or 800/mth and THEY dont allow pets - which is also a problem.

Becky56 -- One bathroom is pretty much out simply because 3 out of 5 of us take forever in the bathroom. I myself have constipation and hemorrhoid problems and sometimes can take up to an hour and a half. My little (half) sister has a small bladder and can't hold it very well. She is also very shy and refuses to go to the neighbors house, even in an emergency. That's why my step mom is "requiring" a 2 bathroom. Or at least 1.5

Idaho Resident - I search things on behalf of hers because my step mom is very depressed and finds the negative in everything. She thinks she will never get out of this place and gives up before she even tries. So, I have to do most of the work. Every time i find a place that claims to give mortgages or loans to bad credit or low income families, she just snaps at me that it's pointless and they wont help, so why should she try? So I have to do it all. She's already in the mind set that trying to leave is pointless now and she wants to give up and just let my father walk all over everyone until the kids are 18. She says no one will ever help us. And no, there are only two children, as I said before. Just because I said "five" doesnt mean I got the number of children wrong... I am young, but married. The 5th is my husband, who is also coming with. I have a small, minimum wage, part time job that I work, and he is still looking for his, so him and I cant afford to live on our own yet. So my step mom and her two kids are 3, and my husband and I are 2 equaling 5. There are only two kids. My step mom just got her first job in a few years only a few months ago. Before she was living off of SSI and welfare. Sometimes those checks werent enough to cover all the bills - that's why her credit is as low as it is. That, and, a lot of the time my father would demand she put off bills to buy him an new video game or game system. There was one time he forced her to blow 2000 dollars on a vacuum cleaner and they lost their house because of that. There are many times that has happened, even since I've been here. So it's not like she purposely let her credit fall. And it wasnt like she wasnt trying to find a job - I watched her go out for hours applying everywhere for a year. It was just recently one finally called her back. So... As I said, it's not a monetary issue. See above for my statement on a 1 bath apartment. As for my step mom and I sharing one room and the "three little ones" sharing the other, well that's impossible, since there arent 3 little ones. There are two children - female (8) and male (9), my step mom (32), me (20) and my husband (20). The kids are too old to legally share a room now as they are opposite genders, and my husband cant share a room with them either since he is over 18. Also, it is illegal in my state for 5 people to share a 2 bedroom anything. The law distinctly states 2 people per room. Which would mean a 2 bedroom apartment can legally only hold 4 people. So, there is really no way to work around that 2 bedroom thing... For the last three paragraphs of your post... I have talked to her. She is giving up, as I said before. Things are getting hard on her and she thinks she will never find a place to go. She keeps saying it would just be better/easier to stay with my dad until the kids are 18.

AzureKit, Thanks for posting back and clarifying the situation - I get it ~ including the "title" references such as step-mom, etc. so will go with your references ~ makes it easier!

I understand your step-mom feels helpless and how much you want to help the situation, not only for her, but, also for your eight year old sister and nine year old brother. I'm glad you have been talking to her and hope that you have been able to make her understand that buying, at this time, simply isn't an option so it's time to focus on the positives and what can be reality. So, take BUYING a place off the table and start concentrating on what is possible....

So what is possible? I think you are under a misconception re the number of people allowed to inhabit a two bedroom residence. I don't know where you are located but have NEVER seen any rule that limits occupancy to 4 people just because it is a 2 bedroom structure.

Bottom line, all five of you could live easily and peaceably in a 2-bedrm ~ you and your DH share one bedroom, your step-mom and sister share the second bedroom and your 9 year old brother gets the living room on a sofa-sleeper! Problem solved.

Think you should check into the facts rather than rumors about capacity; I understand that your step-mom is very depressed and how hard you are working to make a tough situation into a better one for all of your family.

And it can be done. Just quit focusing your attention on mortgages and the like and move forward into rental housing for now. I wish you all the best. Please keep us up-dated....

IR, Azure Kit is correct in that some areas do have zoning rules primarily on apartments and rental housing as to the occupancy number and mix of tenants allowed.

The OP is a married adult. I would hope the entire burdon of paying rent is not falling on the Step Mother.

The Step Mother should be at local agencies and finding out what is available to help her and her children. The step-daughter and her husband just might need to find their own home. I cannot imagine as a friend or relative of this family to have this group of 3 adults and 2 children coming in to live. Yes, I would not be that gracious, especially to the OP, sorry if that sounds harsh, but if they are grown up enough to be married, they are grown up enough to be on their own.

As far as the bathroom concerns, I think the OP might want to consult a doctor - that is not normal in someone so young and is actually way more information than I care to know about the OP.

If the Step Mother has proven abuse against the Father - there is a possibility she could get the family home and the father would have to leave. But she must file charges and go to court when abuse has occurred. If she did not, there is not a lot she can do at this point to get that kind of help in some areas.

So, check with state and local agencies. It might not be the greatest place in the best neighborhood, but it would be a roof over their heads while they get their act together.

Good luck.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Charming,

I will bow out of this ...sounds as if this will be one of those situations where no one will be happy unless they are handed exactly what they are wishing for and it will be the fault of others if it does not happen.

In life, we are not always dealt the hand we want. It is up to us to get ourselves out of this and creat our own happiness from what we are dealt. And most times that means starting at the bottom and working upwards......sigh....

quote:

Originally posted by Becky56:
I will bow out of this ...sounds as if this will be one of those situations where no one will be happy unless they are handed exactly what they are wishing for and it will be the fault of others if it does not happen.

Boy, ain't that the truth. What's the point of offering good advice to someone, if the only response is excuses, excuses, excuses.

ETA: Denial is just not a river in Egypt, as the the saying goes.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: aychihuahua,

quote:

Originally posted by aychihuahua:

Boy, ain't that the truth. What's the point of offering good advice to someone, if the only response is excuses, excuses, excuses.

ETA: Denial is just not a river in Egypt, as the the saying goes.[/QUOTE]


Mashing your like button!

Not saying this is the case here, as you aren't specifically asking...but:

Sometimes people have the wrong idea that HGTV monitors these boards....looking for cases to help and put on their TV shows. Give away homes, makeovers, money and such.

Shoot, they cannot even monitor the advertising and spam producers that frequent the boards. The board regulars are mostly composed of individuals with a helpful and information sharing nature. Truly we enjoy this, or would not be here.
So if there is no help for you in the above posts, perhaps one needs to reevaluate one's situation and seek it elsewhere.
Hoping for the best possible outcome in your families situation, however.

You have gotten good advice here. If your family is suffering abuse, the last thing on your mind should be buying a house. Go to safe refuge, friend, rent an apt.
or move to another city. To spend a week talking about buying a home , when you family needs to vacate a bad situation... should be the priority.

Charming, Thanks for the clarification re rules limiting occupants per 2 bedrooms. Although I am not familiar with them (can exceptions be made?), I can understand the reason for them so that other renters aren't subjected to excess number of persons in units adjoining them. And I took that OP was also working PT and no one was expecting step-mom to carry the financial burden alone.

In fact, Becky56 and aychichuchua, it's the step-mom who is in denial here; OP was simply asking if there was any programs we might know of to get her step-mom up and moving. No, there isn't but I commend OP for at least trying....

Conrad is right that there will be no help re a show or otherwise by posting here and REL is right that you have received good advice but, if safety is an issue, that needs to come first.

AzureKit, I do understand where you are coming from ~ keep trying. Hopefully your DH will get employment soon to make a 3 bedroom apt. possible for all 5 of you (added together with your wages and s-m's) IF the occupancy limits you described are, in fact, enforced throughout your area.

But, it really is up to your step-mom ~ not you. If she is willing to settle for living in an unhappy home for the financial security your Dad provides for the next ten years until your sister turns 18, there is very little you can do except vow that YOU will do differently when it comes to your own life.

I'm sorry that you are in this situation; please up-date and let us know how things are going....

quote:

In fact, Becky56 and aychichuchua, it's the step-mom who is in denial here;

Same difference. In fact, we really have no facts at all. Just one side of the story, assuming it is even true.

quote:

Originally posted by aychihuahua:

quote:

In fact, Becky56 and aychichuchua, it's the step-mom who is in denial here;

Same difference. In fact, we really have no facts at all. Just one side of the story, assuming it is even true.

Agreed. This story just sounds like they want it all-up front- handed to them w/o working upwards towards their goals.

I see no problems with a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment- section 8 if neccessary, with mom and her kids in one bedroom- mom in a single bed, the kids in a bunk bed. THe newlyweds in their own room.

Sure it will be crowded, but if they are safe, they have a goal to work toward of a larger, more comfortable apartment or house. It sounds like they aren't willing to settle for less until they are able to make it happen and they are not IMHO in a position to be so picky.

Like too many people today, they seem to want it all now, w/o having to work towards it.

Hmmm, with all due respect, I really don't think that wanting to buy a foreclosed $39,000 property is wanting to start at the top. Even here in Idaho where real estate prices are lower than many other states, a 39K property would be pretty marginal....

OP simply started this thread asking if anyone had advice on obtaining a mortgage with bad credit and I think the answer from all of us was a pretty definite "no" under the circumstances related. But I commend her for asking for help ~ it's difficult to end the cycle of dependency on SSI and welfare which apparently is where the step-mom is coming from ~ at least the OP is trying....

AzureKit, Don't give up even if your step-mom is ready to do so. Life and your living situation can be much better ~ it just takes time, persistence and a willingness to be flexible when it comes to change. Good Luck!

find out if her state has a mortgage company .Here in virginia we have the vdhd virginia department of housing and developement .

I'm going have to take this step by step and try to do it before work.... Here goes...

Idaho Resident -- You're welcome. I am sorry if I sound rude, but I am under no misconception. There ARE zoning laws about people to bedroom ratios here. I've been told this by firemen and policemen personally. Its two person to a bedroom because if there's more, it's a fire hazard. They don't want that. I have done much research into it and, when I'm home from work, I'll search the michigan.gov site to try to find it. Thank you, though.

Charming -- It also counts on regular houses. And, I work, so no, we would also pay rent/mortgage/what have you. What about being married means you shouldn't be allowed to live with family? Every time I tell someone we are married and living with family, they treat us as if we are moochers. Anyway, my husband and I are unable to get our own place, or we would already have. I work a part time, minimum wage job, and he is currently looking for one himself. With a car payment on the table, that simply wont work. I only bring home 600 a month. My car is 220. The idea of just because we are married, our family should throw us out..... To try and rough it with little income on our own... Sigh. I have consulted a doctor... Ive been told simply that my body doesn't process fiber as well as it should and that's about it. There's nothing they can do for me except to tell me to drink more water. A lot more water - which I do. It doesn't help, though. We have tried to throw my father out, but he refuses to leave, and the police refuse to help because he has not actually HIT anyone - it's all only verbal. Perhaps the court...

Becky56 -- Bowing out is your choice. That is all I have chosen to say to this particular comment.

aychihuahua -- You sound like my grandfather. Excuses are not reasons, and reasons are not excuses. If you give me advice that WILL not work, am I supposed to take it anyway?

conrad -- We don't have cable... We pay for cheapy 10 dollar a month internet from comcast. Comcast Essentials - look it up. It doesnt come with cable. Also, I've never seen the show.. I googled 'home mortgage forum' and this place was the first on the list. We arent looking for a tv show to help... But thanks.

real estate lady -- Thanks.

Idaho Resident -- Exceptions cannot be made as it is a fire hazard. Thank you for being positive though. And not assuming we are bad people.... My dad also doesnt have a job and he refuses to get one, so he doesn't have any financial security either. He is actually afraid of losing his with her. I know that it is all up to her though.

aychihuahua -- Take what you will as fact. I'm not going to prove myself to you. And my step mother being in denial and me being in denial are not, in face, the same.

Becky56 -- Handed to? No. A push? Maybe. The problem with a 2 bedroom are the ZONING LAWS. 2 people per bedroom. Its a law. Should we rather break it??? So yes, problem with a 2 bedroom... So we will settle with "less" if you can find a 3 bed room apartment in our area for something we can afford???

Idaho Reisdent - Thank you once more.... For getting the over all point!! <3

Now I gotta go to work..

AZK, it might be a good idea to listen more to your grandfather. He knows what's going on a whole lot better than we do.

Even tho I practiced real estate in MI for almost 30 yrs, unless it changed within the last couple of years, I've never heard this 2 person to a BR rule/law. Some communities, esp the middle and upper class communities, might have an ordinance on the books stating how many unrelated people can occupy a home. I'm sure some apt complexes have rules about # of people occupying a rental apt- that's only reasonable so that a property is subject to excessive wear and tear. Also I've never heard of a law on the books about young brother and sister sharing a BR.
Lastly, your "bathroom " problem-- there are products like Miralax, in an inexpensive generic store brand, that help you with your constipation and produces excellent results.
I do hope you can find a solution to this mess. As other posters have already mentioned, your step mom may have to lower her sights to achieve her short term goal of leaving your father. As long as she is taking help from the govt she will never be able to increase her disposable income. Has she gone for job training?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mamaspoon,

I did find this: "Between 1900 and 1950, the general standard for overcrowding was perceived to be two persons per habitable room. In 1950 the overcrowding threshold was lowered to 1.5 persons per room and further reduced to 1.0 person per room in 1960.46 Today, the Department of Housing and Urban Development suggests that a general standard of “two persons in a bedroom” is consistent with federal law.47"
here: http://cslr.law.emory.edu/file...nder_Housing_Law.pdf

Not precisely a michigan law site - I am still working on that one as I type. But I must be up at 4:30 am to be to work at 6 am for the Thanksgiving day rush. Woe is me.

http://www.law.msu.edu/clinics...L.Over-Occupancy.pdf

And that is the best you're going to get out of me tonight. Apparently, I have to find my city's ordinance, and I'm too tired to do so. At this rate I will have only two hours of sleep...

If YOU would like to try and find it: Jackson, Michigan 49202

Also... Just to clear things up... My step mother DOES have a job. I don't recall saying she didnt - in fact, I thought I said she did. But, just in case I am mistaken. She has one. It's just she ALSO gets Government help. Also, she is on SSI legitimately... Just saying...

CPS (You know, Child Protective Services) has told us numerous times that the two children cannot share a room. I have personally been told by at least 4 of them MYSELF that they would, without question, remove the children from the home if they were forced to share a room, because they are opposite gendered and at that age where they "Need their privacy". My step mom isn't going to over step CPS in fear of losing her children. No amount of arguing and fact shooting is going to change that - this I can promise you. If CPS told her she had to get a Mohawk and dye her hair bright green, remove one leg and tattoo all sorts of things across her body or lose her children, she would do so without question. That is her love and devotion.

Finally, aychihuahua.... My grandfather knows nothing of what is going on with me now. Nor would he care. This I will promise. Him and I havent spoken in over three years. Ever since my grandmother passed away of cancer, and he married her sister not two days later, I havent spoken to him. (This and many other, very personal reasons... Some having something to do with my Aunt (If you would call her such...) threatening to leave him if he dare helped me anymore just as i was leaving high school...). I was referring to you sounding like things he used to say to me. That is all. Him and I no longer speak.

quote:

Originally posted by sissy77:
find out if her state has a mortgage company .Here in virginia we have the vdhd virginia department of housing and developement .

As far as I know, there are a million mortgage companies here.. All with a minimum credit score requirement of 640

AzureKit, Think the suggestion that you look into your state's HUD programs was a good one ~ it might go nowhere, but in some of the programs I have seen, they can be dynamite with eliminating credit scores and such. Check it out.

I'm still not convinced that having the five of you share a 2 bedroom is illegal but, if you say so, I'll take you at your word so no sense trying to find the ordinances. And, I will say, that's just stupid ~ families of 5/6 have flourished in a two bedroom or less.

BUT, it is obvious that there is a back-history here since CPS is involved. So, think we have established that right now, at least, there is no program that will allow your step-mom to purchase that $39,000 foreclosure ~ I'm glad as it would probably become a money pit....

But, I'm still concerned about you and the rest of your family seeking a new home ~ hopefully a peaceful one. After reviewing everything you have posted, there is only one solution ~ your DH needs to get a job; no matter the wage or the hours, just get in there and fight for more!

You and your step-mom are working ~ your Dad and your DH aren't. Sorry if that is harsh BUT it is the truth ~ either your DH starts being one of the first at the unemployment office, one that works hardest OR you should leave him behind when you finally get the dollars to move.

You know I am on your side ~ you are in a tough situation ~ but you need to make a decision. Either you continue to enable the men in your life (like your Dad) to control your future OR you demand more of your DH to help make life in the future better for all of you. Your choice...

quote:

Originally posted by mamaspoon:
Even tho I practiced real estate in MI for almost 30 yrs, unless it changed within the last couple of years, I've never heard this 2 person to a BR rule/law. Some communities, esp the middle and upper class communities, might have an ordinance on the books stating how many unrelated people can occupy a home. I'm sure some apt complexes have rules about # of people occupying a rental apt- that's only reasonable so that a property is subject to excessive wear and tear. Also I've never heard of a law on the books about young brother and sister sharing a BR.
Lastly, your "bathroom " problem-- there are products like Miralax, in an inexpensive generic store brand, that help you with your constipation and produces excellent results.
I do hope you can find a solution to this mess. As other posters have already mentioned, your step mom may have to lower her sights to achieve her short term goal of leaving your father. As long as she is taking help from the govt she will never be able to increase her disposable income. Has she gone for job training?

It would not come up in residential real estate - it is a zoning issue that affects rental properties, especially apartments. It is not an upper income thing. Even without zoning - apartment complexes have their own occupancy rules (most include water and sewer in the rent and having 5 in a 2 bdr as opposed to 2 or 3 can run up the water & sewer bills.) I don't have direct experience, but I think Section 8 housing has occupancy requirements also.

Mom & daughter share a bedroom, married couple share a bedroom and the son sleeps on the sofa or a cot in a living room. That would be a 2 bedroom apt. or house and take care of your 2 person per room issue.

There might also be an excuse why this won't work, but I certainly don't see a problem with the legality of it.

Azure, I know you posted about mortgage loans and received many relevant responses.

For me, the key words in your posts were depression and emotional abuse. Depression immobilizes people.

WRT the emotional abuse, I'm sure you understand that both you and your younger siblings will be damaged by verbal or emotional abuse for the rest of your lives.

If your stepmother receives appropriate treatment for depression, her condition and outlook on life may improve, allowing her to take action and change your living situation.

Most mothers (IMHO) would do almost anything to remove their children from an ongoing, abusive situation. If they're depressed, however, ...

All, JMHO and wishing only the best for you and your family - take care.

29 posts offering solid suggestions/advice and none are acceptable for a wide variety of excuses. The more additional details are revealed, the more bizarre this situation becomes and the more I'm thinking we're being had. I'm with Becky and Aychihuahua on this one.

Not me, Jewel. I know that you, Becky, Aychihuahua and I all post quite regularly and I sure don't want to start a disagreement, but I hear something in the tone of AzureKit's posts that gives me pause. I hear the voice of someone who is trying very hard to change the circumstances of her life and is simply asking for help on how to do it.

AzureKit, I agree that giving reasons is NOT the same as making excuses. I'm sorry that none of us could help WRT to a "program" that would allow your step-mom to get a loan to buy the foreclosure but you are on the right track out of your current situation. I presume that my last post regarding your DH getting a job hit a nerve ~ it was intended to do so.

It is going to take the efforts of all three of you, your step-Mom, DH and yourself, if you are going to succeed and I have no doubt that you will ~ it will just take time. Post back and let us know how things are going....

IR, your last paragraph is the root of the solution to this situation.

When people complain about not being able to find a job , I am always skeptical. Because I know from my own past experiences, that there are jobs out there to be had. They are just not the jobs the seeker is wanting. There are always fast food and other service industry jobs available if the person will lower their standards and take them. And you can only find one that is part time? Then take 2 of them! I might appear to be hard hearted, but but if a person wants to pull themselves out of a bad situation, they can do it but it requires effort, and that is something many chose not to exercise these days. It is easier to sit back and complain about ones bad lot in life.

I have a feeling that the extended family that have been mentioned in earlier posts that referred to this group as freeloaders is really just tired of hearing excuses.

There are too many resources and entry level jobs(as mentioned) out there to help someone get on their feet again for me to believe a litany of excuses when reasonable suggestions for help are being offered.

In all fairness to the op she did say she is from Jackson, MI. Jackson has some interesting housing codes (not sure if they are actually enforced). One of which says that a bedroom occupied by one person must be 70sqft, if occupied by more than one person it must have 50 sq ft per person--and there has to be one habitable room that is 120 sqft. It is an odd ordinance.
Even so there are agencies that offer all kinds of assistance.

Sorry for the wait. Had a lot happen in a few short days. Got a good pay from my holiday premium though!! Quite helpful. First of all, my step mom is considering moving the five of us into 2 separate efficiencies... am I spelling that right? It's basically a studio apartment in a hotel room. Not sure how i feel about that. It's definitely an option, but it's a limited one. It's something.

Idaho Resident -- I think that house we want is a HUD home.. Not sure... DH *is* trying. He is applying for every place he hears of. He's applied for all our local restaurants, fast food or not... He's applied to the same place I worked at, and got nothing. He applied to Target a few weeks ago, got called for a phone interview but was then told he would *not* be invited for a second interview, and when he inquired as to why, he was threatened with the cops... There is a huge, stupid story behind this... But, moving on. There has been no job he has yet put his nose up to... He's even applied to local automotive garages... Thank you though for being one of the only ones on my side. My DH is doing his best, I promise. He's a good man.

Charming -- The section 8 here has a 1.5 waiting list. We've already tried it. That's what we were told. Jackson is quite the welfare area.

Becky56 -- The law forbids it. If you can find that as an excuse, more power to you!!!

tsr-res -- Depression immobilizes people... You're telling ME! Making my step mommy just get up to go to work is a chore in and of it self. Worse - she's been in such a foul mood lately that she's even been snapping rudely to me and that itself is causing problems. Like, when her and my DH come to pick me up for work (we have to have her with us because we only have permits for the moment. The soonest the driver's place can get us in is Dec 19, so we are working on that), if I'm late she gets very angry with me, even though I cant control how long the supervisors make me stay.. However, if I'm stuck outside in the cold for half an hour because they are running late... She also gets angry with me.... I dont know how to take that... Thank you, though, much. For your well wishes and hope. I am trying.

Jewel -- Okay. You're being had. Congrats.

Idaho Resident -- Ever since my grandmother died in 2009, everything has gone wrong. I moved out of my grandparents house (they raised me) when I was 17, to move in with my boyfriend. He, though, left me alone and abandoned me not even a year into that. I ended up in a homeless shelter in Detroit (Covenant House Michigan. Its right next to a highway and has a Marathon not far from it either -- which is where we got our snacks). My father, who hasnt seen me since I was about 7 or 8, found me on Facebook and took me in May of 2011. I've been with them in Jackson ever since. A few months into to that, though, my father started to loathe me... So, he has been trying to kick me out since he brought me in. Yvonne says that he only brought me and my DH were only brought in when my father and her were in a fight and he was trying to spite her. It had nothing to do with missing his daughter. This is, of course, anyone's choice to believe. I give no care to prove myself anymore on a forum board... It's okay that no one has been able to guide me though. Some are trying, some are... doing less so. But I came here expecting to hit another wall. I wasn't expecting a godsend. I already responded to you, though, about my DH and his job searching.

Becky56 -- Read above. I don't know why people always get skeptical. Just because YOUR area has many jobs available, doesn't mean mine does. Or does the high numbers of unemployed persons show that 11.40% of Jackson is just lazy? (http://www.bestplaces.net/economy/zip-code/michigan/jackson/49202). There is NO job he won't go for. There is no job he has stuck his nose up at. I've never seen him say "Ew, I don't want that job!". He HAS applied for all the fast food (and other restaurants) in the entire city of Jackson, and some in Parma, Michigan Center, Vandercook, and Spring Arbor... Take two part time jobs? He's having a heck of a time finding one! He can't lower his standards anymore.. They are as low as the jobs get. Any job, any hours, any wages. He has applied for everything we can find and every time we hear of a new opening, he jumps into that too. It's bad luck. He's 20 with absolutely zero job history or certificates/degrees. There are people with 30 years of experience looking for jobs here. Who would you rather take? It's simply impossible that there are not enough jobs in a WELFARE CITY that he is having a hard time finding one? I mean, at least 80% of the people who come though my register are using food stamps and that may be putting the number light... another 5% uses WIC. The extended family thinking we are freeloaders? No. My family already abandoned me when I moved out at 17 because my grandfather got with my grandmother's sister as soon as she passed, so... My family pulled this "You ran away, screw you" sort of thing. My STEP MOM'S family hates my father and anyone related to him (myself) so they won't help as long as she's helping me. Also, her mother wont help her because she wants the kids and thinks that my step mom should give *her* custody until she (step mom) can "steady" herself. But we know her well and she's been trying to get the kids in her custody since they were born. She has told my step mom numerous time's that she is an unfit mother. And my father's family absolutely refuses help anyone associated with him because he IS freeloader. My DH's family isn't in their own financial place to help him. His own mother has to live with his grandmother because she can't live on her own. And since he was born out of wedlock, and his father was married to another woman when he was conceived, his father basically wants nothing to do with my DH all together. I think that covers all of the family...

Lakelark -- I'm glad you found it, cause I sure couldn't.....

AzureKit, Thanks for posting back ~ I understand that your background has been difficult but it is just that - events which have happened in the PAST. Up to you to determine what happens in the future.

Glad your DH is actively looking for work ~ his job until he gets a job is just that ~ looking for work eight hours a day. It will most likely take all three of you to pull it off but don't stay where you are at simply because it is the easiest thing to do.

A hotel-type efficiency is perfectly fine for living quarters while you work and save to move up to a better situation. It does take time but, little by little, things will improve if you keep working toward your goal. About your step-mom? If she chickens out which I suspect she might do, then you need to move forward on your own. It will be difficult but you can do it and, in the long run, you will be in a better position to help your younger sister and brother.

Please post back occasionally as things progress; I wish you only the best.

Even if your step-mom were able to pay cash, she'd be foolish to buy a house until she's LEGALLY divorced (possibly legally separated). Urge her to obtain legal advice. Renting a house/apartment is the only way stepMom's poor credit score can be sufficiently improved to hopefully become eligible for a FHA home loan in a couple of years.

Please, before you opt for motel/hotel, do the math! they charge by the week: 4 weeks X $ adds up; even short term!

P.S. Volunteering at a woman's "shelter" and counselling Moms(with minor children) in similar circumstances provided the experiences required to analyze painful situations. The women who come to us are not homeless, they are seeking help to escape abusive relationships.
I wish you well
hugs'

This message has been edited. Last edited by: tessa89,

tessa, I'm glad you weighed in here because there are many, many women in difficult situations similar to the OP's ~ BUT, you might not have read all of the posts. First of all, her step-mom and Dad are not married so no divorce, separation or legal advice is necessary for that aspect. Secondly, they have already applied for housing - the wait period where they live is one and one-half years.

Great idea to rent to improve their credit scores ~ they want very much to rent in order to improve their credit scores ~ but can't find a place to rent since there are five of them. They would have to break the local law/ordinances if they did so ~ 5 in a 2-bedroom apartment (no matter how you split the beds - even with a sofa bed in the LR) still breaks the law. So what should they do?

Yes, paying for two hotel efficiencies is bad math ~ but, if it is the only place they can afford right now, they will simply have to do it. And work that much harder to get out of the situation they are in as soon as possible. Any other ideas? I wish I had some....

quote:

She can afford the place -- income isnt the issue,

IR, you are right: I haven't followed the emerging senario. OPs "income isn't the issue" led me to presume stepMom was financially capable of removing herself and minor children from an abusive relationship.

As a retired budget analyst voluteering at Women Escaping a Violent Environment (accepting men too), I offered fiscal advice; not specifics about this family's interpersonal troubles.
As for helping this family; hopefully the advice given by others has been supportive and they will continue to seek assistance from local gov't agencies.

There is an old saying: "Penny wise, pound foolish"

.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: tessa89,

Typically, when someone is having a problem and solutions are offered, but each is countered with a (logical to the person offering them)excuse as to why this won't work, then I find it is because the person is only willing for something to happen the way they want it to happen and will settle for nothing less.

There are shelters to help abused women and their fmilies get into a safe living arrangement.

If the young married couple doesn't qualify for help, the mom should accept it for herself and her kids. The couple is young and I assume able bodied. I think (from "reasons" OP made about her husband being unable to find even the most mediocre of jobs )that there is more here than meets they eye as to why he can't/won't get a job.

Until someone offers them the home they desire and is willing to provide financing, there will be more excuses made.

AzureK,
Have you graduated from high school? Your writing is excellent. I love reading and writing and always pay attention to the way people write on here. You write very well! (not one misspelled word, every comma in the correct place, etc. grammar perfect) Despite all your personal problems, to me you sound very bright. I definitely think you should check into further job training. Most colleges offer scholarships to those who qualify and are deserving. I think you would be the perfect candidate. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You sound very bright. What is your passion? Just try and make it happen. Never, never, never, never give up! Dream big, like I always tell my daughter and good luck!!!

You have a big heart, but you are a enabler. I don't mean that in a bad way, but many of us take on family problems and try to be the negotiator, the peacemaker,
the financial assistance, so no one will go hungry or not have a roof over their head. Meanwhile, it drains the life out of you emotionally.

You have to worry about yourself...your future. Strive for more education as you go along, and try to get better and better jobs as years roll on....as years go by very fast.

Forget buying a house right now. The timing is not right. Save youself...your live and your future.

quote:

Originally posted by real estate lady:
You have a big heart, but you are a enabler. I don't mean that in a bad way, but many of us take on family problems and try to be the negotiator, the peacemaker,
the financial assistance, so no one will go hungry or not have a roof over their head. Meanwhile, it drains the life out of you emotionally.

You have to worry about yourself...your future. Strive for more education as you go along, and try to get better and better jobs as years roll on....as years go by very fast.

Forget buying a house right now. The timing is not right. Save youself...your live and your future.

and you speak from experience!

True.

quote:

AzureK,
Have you graduated from high school? Your writing is excellent. I love reading and writing and always pay attention to the way people write on here. You write very well! (not one misspelled word, every comma in the correct place, etc. grammar perfect) Despite all your personal problems, to me you sound very bright. I definitely think you should check into further job training. Most colleges offer scholarships to those who qualify and are deserving. I think you would be the perfect candidate

I second this thought. -- PS - I hope the thoughts that follow will not be taken the wrong way - they are offered from someone who has known people who been there, done that and found success the following way! Has your DH thought about attending community college classes at any level (even non-credit developmental math and reading) to get a job reference since he has never worked before? A reference from a teacher showing he has been on time and attending every class would be an asset for the job market. I looked up on line and your town DOES have a community college. Is it on a bus route? Perhaps you could go together. Community colleges also have job postings available.
For you -- what about real estate classes? you have an interest in the area. Just do one class at a time!
PS - I have lurking a long time and your entry and another one have encouraged me to join the comments section...Here goes!

AzureKit, See, there are a lot of people who believe in you and believe in your potential. I also agree that your writing is extremely good ~ think it was one of the reasons that I have such high hopes for you. Glad others have noticed as well....

I, too, thought immediately about some basic certification classes through your local community college for both you and your DH. But I wasn't sure that it was "doable" re the finances BUT, do check it out. There are no-fee, no tuition courses plus scholarships available for those who are really serious about making a better life for themselves.

I understand that you might not have come from a background where moving forward is something you are told is possible but it is true. My one caveat is to only consider public community colleges ~ stay away from the "for-profit" educational institutions, please.

Classes are generally in the evenings which leaves the day open for work OR looking for work if you don't have a job. Please check them out; and "oldhouseluver" is right. Instructors' recommendations can be critical when a person who doesn't have any work experience applies for work ~ anyone who is sincere about wanting a better life, willing to work hard, shows up for every class on time and expends their best effort ~ well, that person will usually get a leg up on jobs that open up in the future...

So, "oldhouseluver," glad you decided to come out off "Lurksville" ~ welcome to the boards! Based on your first couple of posts, I think that you have a lot to offer ~ I'm looking forward to reading more posts from you!

To the OP - I hope you realize everyone who posts to your questions and comments means well. Everyone is hoping for a successful outcome to your familiy's problems. Our responses are all coming from different life experiences. As they say - take what you need and leave the rest. Please do not feel you need to be defensive about any of the suggestions or questions.

I know none of this is any of our business, but you have posted it all on a public forum - how does a person get to be 20 years old and never held a job?

I second the idea of all of the adults check out your local community college. Sit back and ask yourself - what in a perfect world would I like to do. Then move forward. What are your goals? It is hard to get hired for any job if you have no goals, even fast food.

It does sound like a long story and some other issues involved if the business chose to threaten police rather than tell your husband why he was denied the position.

One other suggestion - volunteer a few hours a week at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, animal rescue, or other places looking for a pair of hands. Who knows who you might meet or who you might impress. In today's world connections are 90% of the struggle. One word of warning - do not share your entire life's history with the people you meet. Let them get to know you and your abilities.

Plus helping others even less fortunate than yourself will help put some things in perspective.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Charming,

Idaho Resident -- Thank you.. We did find ONE person that would cosign, but his credit is no better than hours.. That, and the realtors have changed their story, and not in our favour... Things are just getting harder.

tessa89 -- She's not married to my father. That is not an issue. And you CAN rent a hotel on a monthly basis. I have known people who have lived in them. That's what an efficiency is. But thank you.

Idaho Resident -- Hahahaha thank you!!! The bedroom/resident limit does put a damper on things, doesn't it? Urgh. And paying for two efficiencies IS expensive. I hope we CAN afford it!

tessa89 -- I do hope we find help.. But I don't know what to take from this particular message itself. We have sought help, but so far no government agencies are truly willing to help. Not without us either being homeless, or paying them out the butt... Sigh~

Becky56 -- Can I kindly ask you how the 2 person/bedroom limit is an excuse? Renting an apartment is about the only truly possible thing anyone has offered to us... But, a three bedroom apartment is out of our price range.. We just simply don't have the income for that... Perhaps I am blind, but I don't see the excuse here. My step mom refuses to abandon my husband and I.. She says we are her children, and she knows if she were to go, my father would throw us out in an instant. And he himself has admitted he would do this. Stop saying he "Can't/won't". He is NOT refusing any job. There is no "won't" involved. Don't pretend you know him. Jackson, Michigan is a welfare city. Most jobs, even the "most mediocre of jobs" don't NEED any more employees. The local Arby's told us they haven't hired in almost 3 years. Call them. Ask. McDonald's also has all the employee's they need. Even from noon-3pm, that Mcdonald's never gets that busy. I've sat in there from 11 am til 11 at night and seen... Maybe 20 people come through... And that was on a Friday!! It's not a busy area... The Meijer I work at was EMPTY on Black Friday. So it has nothing to do with he "won't". He DID get a phone interview from Target for a seasonal position... They didn't call back, and so he called them for days... Then, he was patched through to a person named Debby who told him they had was never considered for a second interview. He asked her why and she told him if he continued to harass and berate them, they would call the police. He hasn't spoken to them since.

So.. He is trying...

Wavy -- Yes, I graduated Franklin High School (Livonia, MI) in June 2010. Just a year after we lost my grandmother. Thank you for your compliment - it's one of my only bragging points. My grandmother raised me with near perfect grammar and I excel in English courses. My grandmother always told people I was bright, even when I was young. I used to beam when she did. But... After a while, things changed. I won't go much into it, but thank you!! I have been looking into going to a school for a quick degree. Probably for something like Veterinary Technician, or something similar. I adore animals. Something to get thing moving faster than Meijer does. I don't know if any college would accept me right now though... Lol.

real estate lady -- An enabler... That's what my father calls her because she doesn't force me to pay bills so I can save for myself. I won't abandon my siblings with someone who hits them, however...

oldhouseluver -- He has been playing phone tag with Phoenix (the college) trying to get in for courses to be a therapist, and ultimately, a psychiatrist. It's just a matter of getting ahold of them and getting it started. He has a lot of job references... If you mean references as in people. JCC is a crap college, but it is what it is. It's an idea, at least. I don't particularly have an interest in real estate. Just finding a place for my step mom. Thank you for your advice. <3

Idaho Resident -- There are those who believe and there are those who... Don't. But I've faced that my entire life. It's nothing new and it doesn't bring me down or lower my determination any more. I know, somehow, you can do ANYTHING. It can be done. That's what I was raised to believe. It's all about finding out how to do it... Anyway, you are right. The schooling is an idea. But, I cannot do evening classes. My schedule is usually anywhere between 4pm-11pm. Any hours in there (Typically 5-10, but sometimes later, or earlier). I'd have to do earlier classes. Not that that isn't possible, just saying that my job doesn't allow for that kind of freedom. I'm sure they have earlier classes though. I don't see why they wouldn't.

Charming -- Sometimes I am not so sure about that... And the one person insinuating that DH "won't" look for work... I deal with that enough from family... But you ask how he got to 20 without a job? That is easy. I met him in middle school... And we were friends from there. People in school have always been mean to him, and he had very few friends. He was always defensive and angry and got terrible grades. Not that he isn't smart - his IQ has been recorded at above average (140, last I knew). He just... Didn't care. Everyone was cruel to him and I tried to help the best I could. At sixteen, our school recommended to HIM that he drop out, and try to get his GED and go to college. So, he left. But his mom didn't have the money for the GED classes... So, he just sat home all day. The rest of us graduated in 2010. I had a fallout with my Grandfather and moved from his house just before my 18th birthday, with my then-boyfriend (who isn't my current DH. This was a different guy.) We got an apartment together, but he left to Indiana for his schooling not long after. DH, who was just my best friend at the time, was trying to find a job since he had left school, but no applications were getting him anywhere. No place was ever calling back, probably because he didn't have a diploma or GED. When he turned 18, I asked him to move in with me, because I hated living alone. At first, he refused because of the fact that he had no job, but I convinced him, and he did. My then-boyfriend had always been a jerk to me for the years we were together - abusing me and cheating on me any free moment he got. So it didn't take long for me to develop and infatuation with my DH. And it all went from there. I never saw that boyfriend again except when he came to get his stuff. DH and I stayed together... But we lost that apartment, ended up in a homeless shelter, and there my father, who had never been in my life, found me. And DH recently turned 20 back in November. That's how you get to 20 without a job. Oh! But he does have his GED now. He got it just after we got here.

I have gone to a college once, but at the time we weren't married yet... And the FAFSA wouldn't help me unless my LEGAL father (my grandfather) would sign with me, because I was not "legally dependent". He wouldn't do so. This you can look up easily. To be legally dependent, you must be 25, have had a child, been in the military, or be married. I was none of those. My birth father couldn't have signed, because he is not legally my father nor is he on my birth certificate. Without the FAFSA, the school wouldn't help me and I couldn't afford the tuition out of pocket. So they kicked me out. I still owe them somewhere upwards from 1k. I try not to share my life story. I started this thread with everyone knowing very little, put people have asked questions and made assumptions that force the stories out. I apologize if I shouldn't have. Who knows... But that's the end of it, I think. The last bits of my story are completely unrelated.