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Today at a gathering with friends I said that the friend we had for dinner the other night did not like the skin on the tomatoes so she picked them out of the salad.

I did not think anything of this but one woman said when you go to someone's house you should eat whatever they serve. I was surprised at this as I would not eat something if I did not like it nor would I think anything about someone else not eating something I served.

I'm pretty much in agreement with you. If a salad has green peppers in it when it is served to me, the plate at the end of the salad course will still have green peppers on it when it is cleared. Some items I may not feel as strongly about and if pretty well disguised I will eat.

But to eat something I really dislike is not going to happen. If I serve something you don't care for, I don't expect you to consume it. I also don't expect you to make a big deal of it either.

Not a big deal.

It doesn't bother me when someone pushes something that they don't like to one side at all!

Snicker - perhaps you should find out what this woman's dislikes are, invite her over, prepare them all. See if she changes her mind.

In this country it's an acceptable practice to decline to eat foods we're not fond of or especially if we're allergic to, but judging by those I'm in almost daily contact with, there seems to be a growing number of picky eaters who complain, "It's a textural thing." Another complaint is, "Yuck! That looks (or sounds) disgusting!"without even trying it. Still others turn their noses up to a food because they've had it once and were turned off by it. Allergies aside, I strongly feel as a guest in someone's home we should at least try everything on our plates with an emphasis on "try". That would be the gracious thing to do. The host or hostess should not take offense but should mentally take note what foods their frequent guests dislike or are unable to eat. By the way, in some countries snubbing foods in one's home is a major cultural insult.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Froo Froo,

There are many foods that I do not eat! I would never mention it to a host! Nor would I just try it to be polite. I just eat what I can and ignore the rest. No problem. I hope that a host would understand.

IMO, the idea of "eating everything on your plate regardless of what it is" was a well known maxim of the 1950s (when I was a child) and propagated by adults who had endured the Great Depression and they had good reason for taking such a stance!

However, times have changed. To my mind, it is perfectly acceptable not to eat something if that is your choice but you should NEVER comment about it or bring it to the host's attention ~ very poor manners if someone does. On the other hand, the host should also say nothing if she/he observes that someone is choosing not to eat a particular item or dish.

Good manners flow both ways....

I agree with several others here. My feeling is any guests of mine are invited for conversation and mutual enjoyment of sharing a meal (or parts of it). It is nice to try different foods or dishes, but not absolutely necessary to not be rude.

A good host or hostess should never be insulted by anyone quietly/tactfully refusing to eat a certain dish or parts of it. Lots of likes/dislikes/food allergies/health concerns and such out there. (DS is Gluten Intolerant for example.) Many watch what their intake is, and carbs, fats, and calories as well as certain ingredients, may just not worthy of their daily meal allotment.

Just to be clear, I did not suggest that a guest should eat everything on their plates. What I am advising, for the sake of politeness, is to try everything (unless it's an allergy issue). Also, in doing so they might be pleasantly surprised. I would bet most of us have experienced those culinary revelations. The preparation of any food is vast. When we first try a food prepared in a recipe we disliked we should not assume the main ingredient will result in an unsavory experience if prepared any other way. Sometimes it's a textural thing, sometimes it's the spices or ingredients used, sometimes the dining experienced in the past resulted in digestive distress, sometimes it was presented in an unappetizing way. The point of all these examples is to simply keep an open mind. On a personal note, a good friend once returned home after an ankle operation. While recouping at home, neighbors and friends kindly dropped off an array of dinners for her and her DH. One evening I was preparing eggplant Parmesan and I phoned her to ask if I could drop some off. SHe politely informed me she did not care for eggplant...a textural thing. No problem....until months later she ate that dish at a friend's home and raved to me about it! Need I say more? Yes...Try things people...different ways and then decide.

Reminds me of a childhood incident. I had always refused to eat chili, at least more than the required couple spoonfuls. One day while at a friends home I heartily ate chili and said to friends mom to give the recipe to my mom. Guess what, it was my moms recipe! So, I think we often turn down food that later on we discover we like. And I am a slow learner as ketchup never was consumed by me until I was 20 years old, didn't like broccoli or mushrooms until 35.

That's another great point I think we all can identify with! Tastes change as we mature. As a child, a cartoon sailor could not convince me nor likely my friends to injest spinach. Today it's one of my favorite veggies and I enjoy it cooked or raw. As a child, my only experience with salmon or asparagus was in their mushy and bitter canned forms. These initial introductions to otherwise healthy foods turned me off till I tried them decades later in their fresh state. We're missing out if we close our minds to exploring new foods or revisiting foods in new ways that we long decided were not palatable. Just one spoonful or forkful might result in a culinary turnaround. To close our minds could lead to limited foods and risk a routine, ho hum menu or a diet lacking in essential vitamins, neutriants and/or fiber. We should teach or children to try foods by our example knowing that tastes differ and tastes change as we mature or simply by exploring different ways of preparation. We must be careful to insist they finish a food that they find unsavory though otherwise we risk closemindedness in their adult lives.

I think there is something else everyone seems to be forgetting that could come into play.
Many of our bodies change over time and so will our "tastes" due to those changes.
I would never expect any guest to eat something they didn't care for at my house but I, myself, do try things that I haven't had in a long time to see if my opinion of them may have changed.

As a child, when first starting to get invitations to "stay over" for dinner at my friends, my Mom instilled in me that if something was served to me, that I was to eat it whether I liked it or not but if food was passed I didn't need to take anything I didn't care for.

At home, I eat the egg white, dip my toast in the yolk and I'm done -- leaving the little yellow circles on my plate . . . if I am invited to breakfast at someone's house, I eat those little yellow circles. Because my mother told me I had to!!!

Martha

My dinner guest friend is a friend of very long standing (like 40 years) she and her husband are very good close friends. She did not say anything about the tomato bits, but I noticed and asked her. Turns out DH would also like tomatoes peeled but I'm not about to do that.

Neither one of us cared one whit about either being served it or not eating it. I remember some things my friends dislike but not all.

I don't think I have any allergies but I have a very strong aversion to eating corn in anyway but on the cob or fresh cut from the cob. I also really can't eat tuna noodle casserole.

Linderhof, your egg story reminds me of when DD was a small child. She said she liked eggs, she just didn't like the peaches in the middle of them!

As a kid I used to do the same with fried eggs as Linderhof, until I learned to tell Mom to scramble the yolk a bit after the egg hit the pan.

I don't force myself to eat things I don't like. Why consume those calories? I think it is OK to decline to eat things when eating at someone's house, but I would do it graciously.

When my kids were growing up they were encouraged to try new foods, but they could have one food that they never had to eat, no matter what. It was funny to watch them decide what their most disliked food was. For me it is a toss up between asparagus and shellfish. Just really don't like those foods.

I don't eat shellfish, I will cook it for my DH but I will eat something else. As for Asparagus the only way I will eat it is if it is 4 AM and I'm really hungray and it is fresh in the field and only the tip. I have not had asparagus in over 40 years.

I am adamant that if someone invites you to dinner, you should try every dish served (I am assuming, of course, that your host has been gracious enough to determine whether her guests have deathly allergies or religious requirements ahead of time and made sure that they would have something they can est). Once your guest had served herself the salad and eaten some of it, her obligation as a guest was fulfilled. As a hostess, I would never have asked any questions about the tomatoes.

On the radio I heard this explanation from E. Post: When you call to RSVP an invitation and you are deathly allergic to any foodstuff, you have the opportunity to mention this to the host. But if it's that you just don't like something - in other words - keep your mouth shut.
No host could possibly create a menu to accomodate everyone's preferences beyond the immediate family.

One Thanksgiving I was the hostess. Sis in law called to go through the menu with me. "Oh I don't like sweet potatoes, her son would eat apple pie only if it had French crumb top", and so on. So I told her to bring the apple pie and that was it. She came with a Mrs. Smith's frozen apple pie, UNBAKED! And guess what it had two crusts!
The next Christmas she was hostess and guess what - SHE served sweet potatoes! "I thought you didn't like sweet potatoes?" She didn't like the marshmallows on top of my sweet potatoes.

I decided then and there that I was hostess, I would set my own menu and I would select the recipes! As long as there is variety, everything isn't creamed for example and nuts weren't in every dish, one or two dishes weren't rich with fat and sugar, there should be food to eat for all guests.

The next Thanksgiving when she called to find out what I was serving I told her and she brought her own cranberries, salad, pie and a torte. I had asked her not to bring a thing.
I marched her husband and son right back out to the car with her goodies as I had had no space for all of that, no counter, refrigerator or table space for ANY more food.

They stayed home by themselves for Christmas that year!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Lurah,

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As a hostess, I would never have asked any questions about the tomatoes.

We had one other couple who are friends of some 40+ years standing. If this had been a casual acquaintance I would not have asked, but since it was a dear friend I certainly did not feel I was overstepping any societal conventions!

Lurah, some people do have quite a sense of entitlement, don't they? I like how you handled that. It is rude to bring so many extra dishes. She would have been a better guest to bring a plant or flowers already in a vase!

Last Xmas we were invited to a Christmas Eve dinner at son-in-laws parents home. There were 13 of us. I would not have dreamt of bringing a food to be served at the table as I had no idea what their menu would be. (which by the way DH did not like at all) I brought a big box of chocolates which they could share, save or toss.

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Originally posted by Lurah:

They stayed home by themselves for Christmas that year!

What a relief!

My parents raised us to try different foods and always take a bit when we were invited to eat with our friends. We didn't have allergies so polite behavior was required. Now I try to sample a bit of everything when invited out. I will never forget the family dinner when an older cousin spit her carrots under our table. My father had a discussion with the cousin later and we never had that issue again. I think that it's ok to avoid foods that you don't like if you are not obvious.

If I don't like something that's served to me, I just leave it on the plate, but I spread it out a little so that it looks like I tried it. Luckily, most of my friends serve buffet style, so I can choose what I want from the available dishes.

Come on, LOS, you've mentioned in the past that your DH is a very picky eater. Should your hostesses even attempt to choose a menu to his satisfaction? The reason I say this is that my sister raised her children letting them eat only what they liked (and with no table manners). Before we became estranged, I did Christmas every year at my house. One of the things I enjoyed most was serving dishes that we didn't eat everyday. I'd like to say that the experience was beneficial to these social cretins, but it wasn't. I just learned to ignore their attrocious behavior--and I'm talking about adults in their 30's. I can't say I miss them....

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Come on, LOS, you've mentioned in the past that your DH is a very picky eater. Should your hostesses even attempt to choose a menu to his satisfaction?

No, of course not. Where do I say that they should have? In fact to me it was kind of funny. They had wonderful filet mignon that was grilled. DH would never eat that. Then they had asparagus, ditto. The father was making a huge salad which DH was thrilled about till he started cutting up three or more avocados to add to it. DH of course did not say anything negative and they had had heavy lovely hors d'oeuvres and he had eaten many of them.

My own son in law will not eat pork. I never fix it for them. I know some things that he does like and I try to cook to please him as I consider that little enough to do for someone who is as great as he is (so wonderful to my DD and my DGK's)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: lady of shallot,

OMG, LOS! That sounds like the best meal in the world to me!!!! I really pity you. It must be very boring to cook for a finicky eater. I hope cooking isn't one of your great pleasures. My DD isn't all that fond of pork, but I like pork and so does her boyfriend. When I fix it, she eats it with no complaints because that's the way she was taught. She also doesn't care for ginger root, but I use it when I cook Chinese, and she eats it. Her boyfriend loves Chinese so we have eaten out at Chinese restaurants at her suggestion. I had to laugh--a couple of years ago she went on a (successful) diet in which she used ginger root on all her meals to curb her appetite!

I wouldn't mind catering to someone who doesn't care for certain dishes, but when someone tells me he WON'T eat something, all I hear is bad manners.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sms29s66,

On the subject of what to eat - or not. Who is looking? I take foods I will eat - and the others, I don't select. If something on my plate is not to my liking, I don't eat it. And in the 50 years of my married life, I haave never had anyone say to me - Oh, why didn't you eat this or that? Why would anyone care? Thanksgiving especially has such a wide variety of foods - that most people can find enough to eat - so that they don't leave the table hungry. This is too much "hullabaloo" about nothing. And lots of people pick stuff out of salads or casseroles - that's sort of commong - ignore it - and enjoy the company around your table.

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OMG, LOS! That sounds like the best meal in the world to me!!!!

Actually Sm It was a delicious meal. I love grilled meat. I could be a real foodie, given a different mate, kitchen and budget! I like to cook and talk about food and watch cooking shows etc. BTW I love ginger! Had a delicious ginger chicken the other day at a Chinese restaurant. I think DH would eat shrimp every meal if it were available!

As far as bad manners, no I don't consider them so (DH's refusal to eat lots of things) He grew up in a very poor family and did not have much exposure to good food also his Mom did not esp like to cook.

As with all our mates you take the good with the bad and his charm, courtesy, wit, talent, intelligence, industry and care and helpfulness to me, more than offset what really in the grand scheme of things is not such a big deal.