Message Boards

Guidelines

  • Please be sure posts are category appropriate.
  • No off-topic or off-color postings.
  • Postings may be deleted at the discretion of HGTV Moderators.
  • No advertising is allowed.
  • Be Nice. No name calling, personal attacks or flaming.
  • Certain words will trigger moderation of the post. These words mostly cover political and religious topics, which are OFF the topics covered by HGTV.
  • For general message board help, click the tab labeled "Tools," and choose "Help" from the dropdown menu.
Full Guidelines
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Reply
  
The GOOD Dishes Sign In/Join 
Picture of Lurah
posted
You've all heard my rants about my MIL.
She's sweeping through her home "downsizing" things back to the original givers and those she hopes may be interested in some of her things. And even giving away the big items like a piano and pool table to next to strangers before checking with the grandkids even.

Well, it was her weekend for us to visit (contrary to going to visit my parents) and she wanted to know if I'd like some gold rimmed glassware. "Sure, I'll take a look."

Being gracious to look through her valued pretties in her modest little kitchen hutch, my husband and I packed up a few glassware items, including the glasses she proffered (they were silver rimmed not gold-colored) and some other little items I could think of a use for on the spot.
When we got finished with the 3 shelves, I inquired what was stored behind the bottom doors of the hutch.

BINGO, there they were. Been married to this family for 32 years! Entertained them on my various dishware which I toted to their house and china at our house, given her some decent Corelle early on so I didn't have to eat off melmac at her place. Been served off paper plates too many times to remember. And most times, never even been invited to lunch, supper or dinner, or offered a glass of water!

"Well, what is all that?" I asked.
"Oh, my china that my mother gave us when we were married 64 years ago. It's a full set for 12. I'm going to give that to Rosemary, she already has the good glasses (Fostoria.)"

(That's fine, she's your old maid daughter and has no heirs.)

Once we got settled back home eating supper, I told DH I'd never seen those dishes before! Did he know his DM even had them? Yeah.
Did you ever eat off them? Nope.

Now here's the SMACKER to me.
He confided, "That's why I hate it that you have so many sets of dishes in our house."

"But I think I have done a bang up job of using all of my dishes and china all through the years for our family and guests, including your side of the family."

Moral of the story, use the good dishes/china for those you love!
 
Posts: 2639 | Location: Midwest | Registered: Nov 29, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
I'm so thankful that my mother taught us by example to use and enjoy all of our linens, dishes, silver and crystal often.
 
Posts: 1721 | Registered: Aug 12, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Beau's Rose
posted Hide Post
Oh Lurah,

Seriously? Well enjoy your pretty dishes everyday and give DH a paper plate. LOL!

Would you like a few more sets? Happy to share...


~Like sands through the hourglass
~So are the days of our lives
 
Posts: 9313 | Registered: Oct 09, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
Oh, Lurah, I so, so feel your pain and know you feel that it was slap in your face. But, if you will allow me, I would like to say something:

I think the fact that your dh knew about this set of dishware and, yet, never spoke of it to you, while you were trying to "make do" with the best of what you had, speaks louder than words. It says that he was fully cognizant that his mother had this "special set of dishes" but he preferred YOUR APPROACH to keeping a home rather than his mother's approach of hoarding so-called treasures.

So, let the never-married daughter inherit the set; think you have the most special gift she had to give ~ her son. Hope you give this some thought; dishes are simply dishes, nothing more and nothing less, even if they are Fostoria...

And I hope that you will be able to find a way to connect with dh's sister; yes, she may be receiving this particular set of dishes but you have already received so much more. Which is worth more?
 
Posts: 6487 | Registered: Jan 01, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
I must agree with IR. People have different priorities. Your MIL does not care about dishes;you do. Neither is right or wrong.

But give more thought to your husbands comment. It seems he has made no comment about your dish sets before, so he has let you collect what you want and makes you happy. Now, if hate was the actual word he used, perhaps you have gone too far? Just something that struck me that you might not notice. I'll get my nose out of your business now.
 
Posts: 6719 | Location: North MN & Northern AR | Registered: Oct 01, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Lurah
posted Hide Post
To clarify, my husband about had a fit when my mother gave me a set of country print ironstone about 20 years ago. He was livid. They were a gift from my mother. I couldn't understand his reaction which I had never seen before about anything. So when I discovered his mother's china and we talked about it, he came clean about why my dishes bothered him all through the years. He's not mad at me, but his mother.
If she didn't like dishes she would've gotten rid of them years ago. What she was coveting was that her mother gave them to her, YET SHE NEVER USED THEM!!!!!!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Lurah,
 
Posts: 2639 | Location: Midwest | Registered: Nov 29, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of KeepYouInStitches
posted Hide Post
People do that all the time - covet something, hoard it, never use it because __________.

I for one use just about every item my mother has given me over the years. Why should I save that nice gown for the hospital (as my 1st husband's aunt did-she had a trunk full) when I can wear it and enjoy it now (besides they are going to slap me in one of those airy open-backed gowns as soon as they cut my clothes off)?!

I actually passed on a set of dishes to my 'baby' brother. He was just too young and still in the home when our mother passed things out to make room for other things. I had two sets of dishes that were my grandmother's so gave one set to him. I will admit that I held on to the matching "fried potato bowl" and the cake plate Wink He'll never know.
 
Posts: 16455 | Location: Daingerfield, TX | Registered: Feb 07, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Jo-CT
posted Hide Post
Another Dish Tale!

About 4 yrs. ago my DH's aunt passed. She was in her late 60's, never married & was predeceased by her mother. My DH and I had the task of cleaning the house out. The basement was chock full of matching correlle dishware still in the boxes. They used jelly jars and paper plates for everyday. During my cleaning I came across a large box stored on a high shelf. The box was sealed and I could tell it hadn't moved from the spot in decades. Dust & grime was an inch thick. It was kind of exciting to open...anyway...we opened the box and pulled out tons of packing hay. I stuck my hand in and pulled out a beautiful piece of china. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was the same pattern MY OWN MOTHER had in her china cabinet! I couldn't hold back the tears! The heirs were very generous and allowed me to have it. Turned out to be a complete service for 8 with all the serving pieces. To this day we don't understand why the box was never opened. Turns out it was sold door to door over 50 years ago. It's the Lily of the Valley pattern by Treasure Chest China and it's now in my china cabinet! Who knows why people do what they do?
 
Posts: 1314 | Location: Southwestern, CT | Registered: Aug 15, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
Dad was in the Air Force; hence, we moved 21 times. Mom & Dad received a set of fine china with gold rims including all the serving pieces. I rarely saw it because my mother was saving it for I don't know what - a visit from the Queen of England! To sum up, those dishes were kept wrapped in old newspaper and stored in damp basements and garages over the years, so when they finally decided to take a look the dishes were scratched, pitted and had a few cracks....also badly yellowed (probably where they may have been stored). They threw them away as they were in such disrepair! I, on the otherhand have three sets of fine china and kitchen dishes....they all get used and enjoyed, often. I think in the past people received dishes when they married, stored them behind glass doors and never dreamed of using the "good china" for family, friends and special occasions.
 
Posts: 734 | Location: Canada | Registered: Jan 15, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of zone9alady
posted Hide Post
Of course you know that your MIL is not the only one that hoards the good stuff. The shame is that it is never used. My 90 year old MIL has a set of Blue Willow in her hutch that I've never seen out in 24 years. I won't be asking for it when she passes, they don't go with anything I have.

I use everything at family gatherings. All of my plates and serveware are white china and stoneware so it's appropriate anytime of year. All my glasswear is clear and I have enough Oneida flatware for 32. I have Sam's flatware for 100. I abhor using plastic forks and spoons.


Whether You Think You Can Or You Think You Can't..... You're Right - Henry Ford
 
Posts: 7276 | Location: Central Florida | Registered: Feb 12, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of KeepYouInStitches
posted Hide Post
I met someone once who had the 'family' China. Any time someone had a to-do, they cleaned out her China cabinet, wrapped everything, unwrapped at their location, and used it. The 'Keeper of the China' would not use it. She said if any of it was broken it wouldn't be her fault. Frown
 
Posts: 16455 | Location: Daingerfield, TX | Registered: Feb 07, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Lurah
posted Hide Post
It's a fact I certainly don't need anymore china. Last night instead of counting sheep, I counted how many sets of dishes, flatware, etc. I have. I won't divulge the number. I gave some to my Mom for her to use too. Let's just say my house isn't big enough for every guest with a plate I own to get into for a buffet! Although i don't have all holidays covered with it's own pattern of dishes, I could come close. There's even a set in the playhouse.

We hosted two different "china" themed ladies events at church and had a lot of fun. At first everyone claimed they didn't have china.
When I personally asked, the china came out of the woodwork. Many had great aunt Bessie's, Grandma's or a set from their MIL to share.
They were lovely patterns.
 
Posts: 2639 | Location: Midwest | Registered: Nov 29, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
Good for you, Lurah, and thanks for posting this thread! Cool

You know, I really don't think your MIL's decision to leave THE GOOD DISHES to her unmarried daughter (your SIL) had anything to do with dishes ~ just a sense of family continuity that bonds right now. And, yes, she could have skipped a generation and left to one of the younger ones but that isn't the point of family heirlooms that are passed down through the generations....

It's not so much the item as the intent that is really important; glad you realize that as well. Again, thanks for posting, too often people get fixated on items and not people; I appreciate your thread reminding us that what we need to keep front and center is people and their relationships within a family.... Cool
 
Posts: 6487 | Registered: Jan 01, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
Lurah, tell me more about the china-themed events. They sounds like they might be fun to do.
 
Posts: 1721 | Registered: Aug 12, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of joyluck
posted Hide Post
One thing I've learned is that I can only control what I do, not what others do. Only leads to frustration to try.

I do agree it's too bad people don't use and enjoy their belongings. However, when I shopped in thrift stores and yard sales I was always thrilled to buy seldom/never used vintage items so there are 2 sides to this.


Lucky

"I have always had an aversion to the concepts of in style and out of style." ~Rose Tarlow

Inspirational pics: http://inspiration4u.shutterfly.com/
 
Posts: 12584 | Location: north of 50 in Canada | Registered: Feb 08, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Lurah
posted Hide Post
Graciepj - China Table Luncheon explanation

We hosted for Mother-Daughter brunch at church.
The first year we did 12 tables each set to highlight one month of the year and the major holiday or events that are common that month - January was all white dishes/snowflake theme; Feb-Valentine's with red floral dishes; March-green depression glass for St Pat's; April-Easter, etc. May theme was military; June-weddings; July-Americana, red, white & blue with blue cobalt dishes. Aug-Back to School/apples; Sept-Harvest and so on.

A few years later we did an heirloom china table event. The ladies who had and were willing to bring in dishes had to have an old set of dishes/heirlooms.

Tables were assigned according to how many place settings each table hostess had.
Menu was decided and prepared by a committee; and they let each table hostess know what pieces of china they needed to provide: soup bowl, sherbets or bread & butter plates, flatware, besides dinner plate, cup/saucer, glassware.

Hostesses came to set up their table in church dining room anytime on the two days preceding the event.

I have lots of tablecloths in various colors so offered those for use if needed.

If the table hostess didn't have flatware, sherbets, etc, we asked around until we got the table setting filled out.

We plated the food in the kitchen but I've been to other events where hostess also provides serving bowl and platter, etc.; those pieces are filled in kitchen and guests serve themselves family style at their table.

During the program portion of the meeting which we built around the MO-Dau theme or months of the year I asked each table hostess to tell a little about her china, how she came to have it, etc.

Afterwards we set up several dishwashing stations in the kitchen and on portable carts with bus tubs and the hostesses and helpers washed their dishes without co-mingling them together.

Another idea is Advent by Candlelight theme event with Christmas china and elaborately decorated tables hosted by one or two women.

I first heard about these kind of events when I judged 4H projects. Done as a fund raiser, the girls and their moms were table hostesses. Tickets can go for $25. per person and up.
They really caught on in smaller communities.
I had a hard sell to our city church ladies, it took me 10 years but I finally accomplished my mission.

Even a couple of the younger, newly married gals got caught by the china bug!
 
Posts: 2639 | Location: Midwest | Registered: Nov 29, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
Thank you, Lurah, for explaining the events so well as they are very interesting ideas. Maybe we could start out small with a tea party type event where the participants would only have to provide teacups, saucers and a small plate. I'll have to think about this some more.
 
Posts: 1721 | Registered: Aug 12, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Annon
posted Hide Post
Lurah, that sounds great! I would love to try it sometime. Now, which table would I choose to hostess?

I hate to think of you lugging dishes to your MIL's when she had them all along. That's just mean.

Maybe we could do a "Cyber" party with pretty table settings.
 
Posts: 3540 | Location: Ohio | Registered: Sep 18, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of cocok
posted Hide Post
I can understand why a person would keep something for "best", and not use it. They don't want it to get ruined, they like the thought of having it, they wouldn't be able to replace it if something happened to it, it is an heirloom and they want to preserve it. I don't judge people for keeping things for best.

In my case, I have only one set of china, it is a simple pattern and not really that expensive as china goes. I can probably replace a piece of it gets broken. I have built up my set, bit by bit, so that I can set a table for 30.

I choose to use my china regularly for Sunday dinners and family gatherings because it is one way to make my family feel special. I want them to remember me as someone who took special care when they came to my house. Setting the table, and using china creates a warm happy feeling associated with dinners. When my children, grandchildren, and other family members think of me, that is part of what I want them to remember about me - that I used my best for them.

I also want to note that I use china for every age. A 2 year old gets to eat off of china and crystal for a family dinner at my house, and they sit right there amongst the grown ups. No kids tables or unbreakable dishes. In all these years hosting family I have never once had a child break anything.

A while back I overheard my nieces talking about me. One said, "I love coming to Auntie's because she makes me feel like a princess." I know said the other, It just feels so good to be here!". THAT is the point of having china, in my opinion!
 
Posts: 7074 | Registered: Apr 08, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Lurah
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Annon:
Lurah, I hate to think of you lugging dishes to your MIL's when she had them all along. That's just mean.

Maybe we could do a "Cyber" party with pretty table settings.


Well, I didn't take them every time, just a couple, once at Christmas with the tablecloth to match. I took them over a week ahead. When I got there 90 minutes ahead of the meal to set the tables as I promised I would, SILs had started to set the tables. They used somebody's favorite red & white snowflake cloth with my ivory dishes with holly border. On the smaller table they'd wadded up my 140" cloth to fit a 60" round table. I wasn't impressed. If I don't take my china, we eat off Corelle, melmac or paper plates. I bet those good dishes in MILs hutch will fall to pieces the first time out of the cupboard after they hit the dishwater.

If I could figure out how to post photos, I have some of the china luncheon events at church. They were pretty basic tables and decorations, but it was fun.
 
Posts: 2639 | Location: Midwest | Registered: Nov 29, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Lurah
posted Hide Post
[QUOTE]Originally posted by cocok:
I choose to use my china regularly for Sunday dinners and family gatherings because it is one way to make my family feel special. I want them to remember me as someone who took special care when they came to my house. Setting the table, and using china creates a warm happy feeling associated with dinners. When my children, grandchildren, and other family members think of me, that is part of what I want them to remember about me - that I used my best for them.
QUOTE]

Cocok - I agree 100%. If a holiday & family isn't good enough for MIL, then who or what would be?
I chipped an everyday saucer the other day. I can replace it for $3. plus shipping and I will.

Children need to be exposed to every type of dining experience. How else do they learn manners. I always told my kids, nieces & nephews on my side of the family that manners would some day come in handy with a special date, perhaps a new boss or when mingling with society.

Yesterday a friend posted on FB that she's looking for a kids little picnic table for her 2 grandkids. I cringed. I'd want my grandkids at my table, not their own alone.
 
Posts: 2639 | Location: Midwest | Registered: Nov 29, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of KeepYouInStitches
posted Hide Post
Definitely! The kids eat on the same dishes we eat on. I do cover the upholstered seats on the chairs, but there's also a cover under husband, so the kids don't feel singled out. Wink

When I need more seating area in the dining room, I have a drop-leaf table I butt up against the dining table. Everyone sits every where. The first time a relative-in-law sat at the gateleg table, I got a funny look so I make certain that I sit at it now to keep the grownups from thinking that they are being delegated to the "kid's" table.

When we eat outside, we are at tables setup everywhere. Generally the kids gravitate to "their own kind" LOL so that they can visit with their cousins.
 
Posts: 16455 | Location: Daingerfield, TX | Registered: Feb 07, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata  
 

HGTV.com    HGTV Message Boards  Hop To Forum Categories  At Home  Hop To Forums  Food & Entertaining    The GOOD Dishes