I just need a place to bounce off a dilemna I am having and hope to get some imput from you.

Our family hasn't had a big family reunion since Dad passed in 1998 and Mom passed in 2000. In the past, we used to go to an historical family cemetary out in the middle of no-where in northern Nevada.

In 1987, after years of genealogy searching, we had a huge family reunion to place headstones bought in 1899 and a wrought-iron fence around the actual burial place at the actual site.

This place has become the favorite gathering place for my sister's family and the rest of the family. We have scattered since the death of Mom and Dad but do keep in touch almost every other day through e-mail and phone calls.

We just came back from a wonderful two week vacation for the two of us so it isn't like we haven't had some "down time." We had planned for both trips but, with gas going over $4/gal, it is now becoming a problem with all other costs going up.

Here is the situation: My sister arranged for a family reunion starting last October for all of us there over the Fourth of July this year and I said to "count us in." We are very close to everyone and enjoy time spent together.

One nephew is coming from Kuwait City, Kawait where they teach English. His wife is pregnant and the baby will be born there so we won't see them again until after the fact. My cousin and her DH are driving my 98 year/95 year old uncle and aunt over 1000 miles to attend.

All of the rest are closer (like 200-650 miles) but we don't get together like we used to. Here is the problem: It is going to cost about $400 or more just for gas to go and another $800 plus to take time off to attend the reunion not to mention the actual costs of the trip itself.

My husband doesn't want to go for some very valid reasons: First, the cost. Secondly, it is the Fourth of July and we live in an area above a river where people drive out and shoot off fireworks which set our place on fire nearly every year and he is concerned about the safety of our horses during this time.

We do have someone who looks after the horses when we travel but, unfortunately, that same family is the one who sets off fireworks so we can't count on them in this situation.

Bottom line, I would like to go to the reunion (it is NOT an area where one goes by themself due to distance/isolation on very rough roads and there is no one close enough to share the ride with so going by myself isn't feasible) but DH feels strongly that we should stay home, save money and take care of our property.

We are at an impasse for the first time in 31 years of marriage; really would welcome some comments about how the rest of you would resolve this issue. Sorry post is so long...

Is DH being selfish in wanting to stay home when so many other people are making an even greater effort to attend the event? BTW, we probably make as much if not more than others so it isn't like we can plead poverty.

On the other hand, am I being unreasonable in wanting to go to the Reunion and not disappoint so many members of the family who are expecting to see us there?

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO POSTS BACK WITH COMMENTS!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Idaho Resident,

I can understand where your DH is coming from with not wanting to go. But I cant understand why he wouldnt want YOU to go???? Tell him that one of you needs to attend the reunion, & he can choose which one. I am sure that as far as your home being safe, you could find another friend/neighbor to watch it & tell them the reasoning why. Good luck to you.

I was thinking the same... one of you go (probably you). The first time I did anything like this without hubby, it was very unnerving. These days, I LOVE it. I get to do all the girly things with my family, and not have to deal with the pressure of:

Honey, I'm hungry.
Honey, I'm tired.
Honey, I'm <whatever....>

I used to drive 10 hours by myself to be with family. (Now we live next door... oops! I have a fun family that's not dysfunctional... )

Let hubby stay home, guilt-free, and let him know you really appreciate the care he's showing for the home, which allows you to see some family members one more time that you probably won't get to see again--your aunt and uncle.

Why don't you leave hubby at home and take a girl friend with you. It would be fun.

Are airports situated where you can fly? Even a few years back, one person could fly cheaper than pay for gas - to certain locations.

Oh. GO! Take a girlfriend and GO! Let DH invite some buddies over for poker and beer and to help if there's a fire.

I take trips all by myself all the time or go with a friend.
Heck, I drove to Miami straight down from Ohio and then straight back. I was a "roadie" and was in a different city each night till I got home.

I even went to Europe just with a friend and very little money.

Check the airlines if an airport is somewhat close. I am headed to Atlanta on my own and it is cheaper to fly than to drive right now.

Each time, my DH does not want to go. Thats his choice and mine is to go.

If you go, have a GREAT time.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: nr4crafts,

quote:

Originally posted by Idaho Resident:

Our family hasn't had a big family reunion since Dad passed in 1998 and Mom passed in 2000. In the past, we used to go to an historical family cemetary out in the middle of no-where in northern Nevada.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO POSTS BACK WITH COMMENTS!

Never pass up an opportunity to spend time with family. You never know if they'll be there next time.

My family reunion is this weekend. A cousin and a nephew are no longer here to attend. I'll always be glad I went to the last family reunion they attended.

u can rebuild a home
u can earn more money
u can think about what your hubby is saying
u can go or stay but u might not ever see your family again.

My first thought before reading what the others posted would be that you could go by yourself and fly someplace nearby where you could meet up with some other relatives. DH could stay home and watch for sparks. You did already give your word you'd be there so maybe just you going would be the answer.

I think you should go and let Hubby stay home and watch for sparks. Have fun...Sue

I would go. i always try to make any family event I can. You won't regret going but if you don't go it's not something you can make up later.

And not to sound guilty, but, if something were to happen to any one who is coming and this would be your chance to see them you don't want that sort of regret.

If you are truley able to and do it. IMO

why don't you go and leave dh at home.. this way there is someone to watch the home.. and you get to see your family.

I also agree with everyone that has posted but you have to make the decision that is best for you and one that puts your mind at ease.

I ditto what all previous poster have shared. The one item you mentioned that really stood out as an indicative point was that your very elderly Aunt and Uncle are being present. If for no other reason, this is THE REASON you should go. Could you drive a shorter distance and then meet other relatives and ride the rest of the way with them if the area is so rough and rugged? Do you have a girl friend or acquaintance from church that would enjoy the chance to get away who might not otherwise have such an opportunity to do so? (Maybe there are some historical or other things of interest along the way to see and do to break up a long drive.) Any kids &/or grandkids to accompany you? And if you do go, take along old family pictures, momentos, treasures, or items you may have been meaning to give to any of those present. Leave hubby at home this trip.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Lurah,

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond and making such good suggestions. I have to admit that I was glad to see that other people think family reunions are important too.

Think I'll tell DH he can stay home guilt-free (and have that poker party ) and I'll figure out a way to get to the reunion by myself...

Just an up-date on my dilemna... Talked to DH tonight and he still really doesn't want to go to the reunion - admittedly, it IS my side of the family but since we have been married over 31 years, most of them are his family as well!

Just realized that I didn't explain in my first post that this reunion will be camping with NO comforts except a mountain behind, desert below and a creek that runs through the area.

DH says he just doesn't want to spend $400.00 to drive that far (about 5-6 hours) to spend time with people he really doesn't care about and he would be bored for four days and would rather just stay at home with all of our comforts...

So, we have agreed to disagree and compromise. He will help me get the camper ready to head down into the rugged and rough road areas that I grew up with; it is my cup of tea, not his.

Thanks for those who suggested flying, but we ARE living near the nearest major airport and everyone else is driving into our "camp" from a different direction.

We are talking very isolated and off-roads through a very, very rugged area. There is NO cell phone service there so just have to hope the truck has no problems and all goes well.

Will be taking the truck in for a lube & oil, tires to be checked as well as battery and a quick check-up by our local mechanic (we still have one in these days of computer dealerships)!

And, then I am heading for my family reunion!

STILL WOULD APPRECIATE ANY AND ALL COMMENTS, THANKS EVERYONE!

I just saw and read this. Agree with everyone and am glad you've decided to go.

Make arrangements to meet up with other family members at a designated spot before you lose cell service and caravan in to the campsite.

Enjoy your time with family.

and you never know. DH may com around as he seens you are going anyway.

We are flying the family to AZ in Aug to see my mom. I know it's a bigger trip than you are talking about but initally DH didn't want to leave. So I said "fine, I can take the kids and we can go" I have been traveling sence I don't remember. i was a bit irked but it wasn't out of my abilities to take the kids my self. Once he saw how much it ment to me to go and that i was going anyway (no arguement he just didn't want to go) he decided he would go.

Tough.decision. You got to choose between guilt or regret, safety at home or driving alone on rough back roads pulling a camper in uncertain weather (these days anyway).

As this is a last opportunity for some to see you again, they will know how much you care about them.
Your DH seems confident that you will be fine which shows that you have a good head on your shoulders.

What an adventure! I’m glad you’re going. Don’t forget to tell us all about it when you return. Arian

Family is so very important. We are not very close since Mom and Dad passed and I miss that. We are scattered over 2 states.

THANKS EVERYONE FOR ALL OF YOUR ENCOURAGMENT!

I really appreciate it! The camper is the type that loads onto the bed of a pickup instead of the pull behind type which makes it harder to change a flat tire because of the weight. Just have to hope that I won't get a flat...

Also have to get the camper back up to speed as we haven't used it in ten years and the propane tanks will have to be retro-fitted due to new rules since we used it last. Guess I'm posting back because I'm beginning to wonder if I'm really up for all the effort it is going to take to get to the reunion?!

All of your posts are keeping me going! Part of me is "sorta" hoping DH will change his mind and decide to go at the last minute but, if not, off I go by myself as long as the camper can get up and running!

I agree that families get really scattered now days. My family members coming for this event are from Idaho, Colorado, Utah, Texas, Kansas, California, Nevada and Kuwait!

I keep telling myself that everyone else is making even more of an effort to attend so I should be able to do my part BUT have to say all of your posts are really helping me to stay focused on the goal instead of taking the easy way out! THANKS, everyone and keep posting!

you may dread it up to the line but in the end you won't regret it.

Just read all of this.
Agree with everyone else. You should go.

I think I read that you live near a major airport. If you're going alone, why don't you fly? Someone could pick you up at the airport, and someone could make space for your sleeping bag at the camp.
If you drive alone, call your relatives before heading into the no-phone-reception zone. Let them know about what time you should be arriving, and if you are late, then one of them should head out to check on you.

I apologize in advance for the following.
You only asked whether or not you should go, not whether or not your dh should go.
It's none of my business, I shouldn't even go there, but here goes:

Just wondering, did you consult dh when you promised to attend back in October? Were you both well aware of a 2 week vacation the month before the reunion, and the camping accomodations when you agreed? IF the answer is yes to both, and IF your family feels more kindly towards your dh than he feels about them, THEN I think he should go, just to support you. And for goodness sakes, if a couple in their 90's can camp, then he should suck it up and do it, too! If only because it means a lot to you, and because you are so concerned about the journey there and back.
He should do it for you even though there's nothing in it for him. It shouldn't matter if he doesn't like you family. He's not there for them, and he's not there for himself. He should be there for you.
Also, you'll have to consider how the family will take being snubbed, or if they will interpret his choice not to attend as choosing the horses over you.
What will happen if fireworks do scare the horses? Will they die before you see them again? Probably not.
What about the 90 year olds and the Kuwait resident? Will they die before you see them again? It's a possibility.


However, if dh hasn't been on board since the beginning, or if he's just going to make you miserable while he's there (which would be kind of selfish and juvenile) then you are going to have to be brave and go it alone.

In the future, maybe you could plan alternate years of the reunion, and choose a place where there is civilization nearby!

DH and I had a camper like yours once and I loved it. I loved that soft yellow Dodge 3/4 ton Dooley truck we pulled it with too.

I only got to drive it once with the camper on it and forgot it was there and drove into a gas station and crunched the top a bit on the low port. It leaked when it rained from then on. I miss it and wish we had another one. Arian

"hersheygal," Lots of good points as well as the others by the above posters! Yes, did talk with DH in October before responding and did know we were taking the vacation in May.

All I can say is that gas wasn't $4.15/ gallon then and it was eight months off in the future when DH (reluctantly) agreed to go. Now that it's three weeks away; he just doesn't want to spend his Fourth at the reunion instead of home with all of his creature comforts.

Didn't explain about the airport right; we live by the nearest airport, there is NO airport within 200 miles of the reunion area. It is in a VERY remote area of Northern Nevada that few people have ever seen.

Unfortunately everyone else will be approaching in from the south while I will be driving in from the north so can't caravan with anyone. But I've been there before several times, just never by myself....

As for the choice of location, it is probably the ONLY place in the entire country that won't have another soul within 20 miles over the Fourth; probably because no one else would ever find it!

It's out in the middle of our ancestral cattle ranch (over 250,000 acres) accessed by private roads across the ranch which the current owners allow us to travel.

It's a very sentimental place for my family since it is the final resting place for my second-great grandparents where, in 1987, we finally placed a headstone bought in 1899 for him with a memorial marker for her along with wrought iron fencing for a cemetary.

It's a long story but basically they came West during the Gold Rush and eventually settled at the reunion site with a Homestead. He died in 1867 leaving her a young widow with seven small children. She perservered, proved up the Homestead on her own by raising cattle and trading milk and eggs with the nearby Indians.

When the children were grown, she took a train back East to visit family, bought a marble headstone for her husband in Vermont and had it shipped West. Unfortunately, the headstone arrived back in Nevada but she didn't since she died in Kansas on the train trip back.

With all of the upset, her grown children, for whatever reason, never took the headstone to their father's resting place and it simply remained in the family for generations. When I was a child, I thought some "grandpa" was buried in our barnyard!

After years of genealogy research, my sister and I located the precise location of the original homestead and his burial place - there were still wild roses growing in the area! Thus, the big reunion in 1987 where we FINALLY took the headstone to its proper place.

Only took us 88 years to do so but, hey, my family is a little slow! Anyway, my family wouldn't even consider going elsewhere for the reunion. Their attitude is anyone not tough enough or willing to make the effort to come, can just stay home in the air-conditioning.

Which I guess DH intends to do.