Remember the story of PIL (parents-in-law) closing family business last year? DH asked BIL (DH's brother)for a job..Now MIL has had one of those TIA, sleeps a lot, can't pass time reading, & we (DH & I) don't know what doctor is saying about her condition. DH mentioned to DB about going over to see her & talking to DF. Lovely DB told DH that he'd better not say anything to cause another stroke. What a sweetheart? I can't help but feel very little regarding MIL...she's caused too much pain to DH & I over the years (40). She's excellent at making you stay on the guilt train. I don't want to go on with the rest of this mess but I know you guys will help me help my wonderful husband thru this. Am I being a hard hearted person? Should I worry more? I've reached the end of my rope & the threads are frazzled (as are my nerves).
Need words of comfort & wisdom. Don't know what to do.
Thanks for always being there. Y'all are the best!!
GinaThis message has been edited. Last edited by: GeeGeeQuilts,
Gina, I can't emagine having a MIL like that. My T's and P's to out to you and your DH. I did have a DIL like that but thankfully she is no longer part of our family.
I suggest your DH call his DD and ask...not go through his brother. If his DD gives him the cold shoulder, then at least it will have come from the horse's mouth.
If you feel better staying away, then that is what I suggest you do.
Does this hat make my butt look big?
One can only beat ones head against a brick wall for so long before they realize it is futile. You are not making the wrong decisions....and you can't help someone that does not want help. Not much help, but I do sympathize with you.
If life hands you scraps make quilts
... I hear your ache... and what can one do but be there for the DH. It's him yo owe, not them. He has to make those decisions about them,, and that suggestion above about him calling DD directly and asking for a little meeting might be the best way to handle things AND maybe find out what is really going on. No one made DMIL have a stroke, my mom had TIAs for years .. if she had a stroke it was brought on byher own behavior. that's just MHO of course just want you to know you have some of us out here thinking about you and caring that this is a hurt and frustration. Maybe you need to make a MIL mugrug, every time you get burned, do some hand work on it. And if you pray, pray with each stitch for her to be comforted and eased and that her sour heart would be made sweet.
.... my siggie grew out of experience ...
I cannot change 'things', but I can change how I feel about them. Me.
Wounded Warrior Project
I remember you sharing with us last year. I can only go along with everyone else's intent. Do what is best for your husband and yourself. The Man Upstairs knows your heart and will not fault you with your decision.
Many thoughts and hugs going to you and DH.
After I posted my husband called & said he wanted us to go see his parents, check on his mother's condition & "talk". Did anything change? Sadly, no. MIL has definitely gone downhill significantly, has short term memory loss but still "knows" what she & FIL have said & done. Again, sadly, denies all. We've done what I consider the "right" thing by going over there & trying to talk & settle. DH got an apology from his father but he (DH) knows mother told father to say it. I'm gonna do what I can to keep husband from having a permanent seat on the guilt train. Told him he could call mother occasionally & check on her but that he didn't have to go over there if he doesn't feel comfortable.
I think it's sad but like I say it is what it is. Doesn't mean you have to like it but you learn to live with it the best way you can.
Thanks for your words of wisdom.
Gina, you are beating a dead horse to death. Kill 'em with kindness and love is the only thing either you or your DH can do. Don't fret over the things you have no control over. I've learned that the hard way this year (it actually sunk in last month, lol!) All it will do is give you more gray hairs and won't solve anything. I wouldn't discuss it with DH unless he brought it up.
What quilt are you working on? Find another quilt project to occupy your mind (and don't be surprised if this post disappears since it's OT, lol.) Sometimes we just need to get something off our mind.
((((HUGS)))) for all you have been through. Do what is best for dh and yourself.
Friends divide our sorrows and multiply our joys.
You have my sympathy. I have a similar mil and I can relate to your feelings. I have broken down in tears twice about Thanksgiving and it is still a week away!
Kill them with kindness is great advice. You have done and continue to do what you believe is right. That is all you can expect of yourself.
~There are pawprints on my heart.~
I'm happy that he is feeling better. Supporting him is all you can do and it sounds like you are doing more than your best.
Wishing you both peace with your struggles.
Hugs to both of you.
If life hands you scraps make quilts
I'm happy for you and hubby. You made another attempt and were rebuked again. Your intentions are right and you've seen there is no reconciliation in sight. If hubby wants to check in once in awhile, let that be all there is. I wish him the strength to accept what cannot be. I wish you both some peace and a pleasant continuance of your lives.
Geez!! Sometimes family just makes you want to pack your bags and run away!! Every family has their "drama" queens-lol!! Nothng much you can do but save yourself. The Man upstairs is all seeing and all knowing. He knows your hurt. Hugs to you and your DH.
You are right as usual. You can only make changes with yourself. Husband now feels he should go see his mother on her b-day cos she may not be here for her next one. I personally don't think he should (she's not concerned bout HIS b-day. What can you do?
Anyway, Devonne, I'm working on getting 4 quilts ready for my friend Sarah's c h u r c h raffle they'll have in the spring. Quilting is the best therapy cos no one (specially me) doesn't want to cut in error & I certainly am no fan on the "froggy" sewing. You know, rip it rip it.
Thanks to you all.
Gina, if hubby wants to go see his mom on her birthday, then he will be able to handle it. He will know from today on, that he did what he knew was right for him and have no regrets later. My mom had a problem with my dad's family. He always needed to stop to see his parents and sisters when he went to town on farm errands. He never took us kids so we weren't caught in the middle.
I hope your hubby is able to find peace with all this and that his brother doesn't try to take away any more self respect for him.
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