That's really terrific and a great start...I would not push it Ali...just make it with lots of love,don't want her to feel smothered...go easy for long term best results. Just do what you would have done if she had not left.
May "In Michigan"
Posts: 9343 | Location: Michigan,up North,the west side of Perfect | Registered: Sep 14, 2004
I was thinking of adding her name, as was mentioned by jessicasews. You could also think about some special things like her favorite candy, gift card to her favorite restaurant or special little things that will bring back some happy memories.
So glad to hear this news--little steps are certainly steps in the right direction. So happy for you!
Oh, I also wanted to share the link for a stocking assembly video that some ladies in our guild made. The outside can be pieced or even crazy quilted, but the assembly technique is really cool for putting it together with a lining and cuff.
Maybe since your daughter is an artist, you could ask her for ideas of how she would like it to look. Make it something you can work on together, designing and sewing and who knows what will happen.
shogun So glad for you that M.does keep in touch, Perhaps a simple little note to say "Mom needs you", would be enough. I don't know where my DD is, she doesn't or can't try to call my other DD anymore. Too long not knowing where she is. G* od forgive me. Prayers might help. nuquiltr
So much good advice here. I'd like to add my congrats for contact being made.
You said you'd like to add something subtle, to remind her of home and family? If she is artsy, she'll probably see through it. And since we all pretty much agree our feelings go into things we make, if you're trying to suggest something to her, all you will put into the stocking is concern, questions, not the longing and love you feel. I'd suggest you do one of your wonderful things, putting all your love into it. Don't bother with the subtlety, be yourself. Honesty works. Baby steps, always baby steps. You never know how things will be perceived.
Shogun I am so happy for your contact. Such a touchy and very difficult situtation for you. I don't want to burst your bubble, but have you thought that this might be for someone else??? She may be planning to give it away??? on the other hand I may be way out in left field... and hopefully I am. Emails are great and perhaps you can get an idea from her as to what she has in mind. Maybe ask if it is ok to put her name on it. The fact she is emailing you is a fantastic step and hopefully it will get better and better. (((((((((Shogun))))))))))
How wonderful you've heard from your daughter! I wouldn't be too pushy on the stocking. She knows you love & miss her & she misses you. I'd be concerned that she might be asking for the stocking for someone else but you can't not make her one. Listen you your heart as well as your little voice.
Baby steps.
Hugs Gina
Posts: 320 | Location: in the land of quilting | Registered: Jan 21, 2010
A good point is made about her name on the stocking and the possibility of it being a gift. If possible in the emails I would ask if she would like her name on it or if it will be a gift for someone. Then make it just like you would for her anyway. (Maybe even make two, one for gift giving and one for her. Then no pressure for her to receive because nothing was expected by her.)
Madelyn
Posts: 5763 | Location: SE MN | Registered: Jan 02, 2006
Do you have an adorable picture of her with Santa when she was little? Print it on fabric. Use it on the stocking. Or if you have a piece of her artwork, print that on fabric and use that. Hope it turns out to be exactly the right thing. Look forward to seeing what you end up doing.
I was thinking the same thing as Irish as I was reading through the posts. You could print the picture on the lining fabric. That way it wouldn't be a shove in your face deal.
Let us know what you decide to do. She already knows lots of love will be in that stocking-it's why she asked you to make it. Maybe tuck in a new Christmas ornament for her tree.
Shogun, I'm thrilled for you that she's contacted you by email. She probably knows of your feelings anyway and she's probably seen your blog, so you don't need to hide a message.
Just have fun and make something that you think will be special.
I was going to suggest tissue paper in the box being sent with memory pictures printed on it. And I am so happy for you. May the season bring you closer together. Sounds like a good start.This message has been edited. Last edited by: Coco Cathy,
This may be out there, but do you think she might be "telling" you there is a baby she is wanting a stocking for? This just really struck me as odd that she would ask for this specific item.
Posts: 5190 | Location: OK | Registered: Jun 29, 2007
I am thrilled to read she contacted you via email. You are the only one that knows the situation and you are right not to expect anything in return (as much as that hurts).
Does she have a special fudge/candy that you used to make her that could be gift wrapped and put in the stocking?
Devonne
Posts: 14749 | Location: Georgia | Registered: Jan 24, 2003
What great progress...sounds like you are handling things very well. I liked the idea of a house on the stocking to represent "home" could be just a fireplace mantel too...something to trigger those childhood memories without having to say a word. I'm so happy she's been reaching out even a little...my heart goes out to both of you.
Posts: 6022 | Location: Great Midwest | Registered: Oct 29, 2006
Shogun, I just had a thought reading your stocking list. Would it be appreciated or recognized well if you also made a stocking for the boyfriend? Even if he isn't one that you look forward to having on your doorstep, it might be something to ease the relationship with the daughter?
Have fun with your sewing and enjoy the making and thinking of the recipients.
Madelyn
Posts: 5763 | Location: SE MN | Registered: Jan 02, 2006
Would it be appreciated or recognized well if you also made a stocking for the boyfriend?
I returned to this thread to make this same suggestion. You know the situation better than we do so will know whether or not this is advisable. But maybe it's something that you hadn't thought about.
I have nothing more to add but I wanted to say I have read this and my heart goes out to you Shogun. I have a grown daughter who only calls when she wants something on her terms. For sure only we know the situation. I push back at my daughter. When she ranted that I never framed her B.A. diploma I went out and bought the most hideous gaudy frame at a resale shop. She never mentioned it again.
Posts: 478 | Location: Chicagoland | Registered: Feb 12, 2007
She has no desire to be a part of our family.......
I have to disagree I think she does desire to be a part of your family or she wouldn't have contact with you and request photos, cookies and the stocking from you. I don't know what her situation is, but this may be the only way she can have you close to her; through these items. Mom, you are loved and probably very missed. ((((((Hugs)))))
One small step at a time and kill her with kindness. That's about all you can do. I'll pray she will reach out to you again during the holidays. She does think about you and is reaching out so I'm sure that gives you a little comfort.
Devonne
Posts: 14749 | Location: Georgia | Registered: Jan 24, 2003
I'm glad you have progressed to the point of emails! I'm reminded of when I was growing up, we didn't get alot in our stockings, but I will always associate the smell of tangerines on that morning, because a couple always filled the foot part. Each of us had a favorite snack. I got Jax, DS got Fritos and DB got pretzel rods.... Was there any recurring thing she got in her stocking as a kid?
my philosophy: there are no real mistakes in quilting, just design opportunities!!
Ali, so glad that she's reached out and is open to receiving something from you. Is it interesting that she suggests something, but isn't specific about what she expects? Fingers crossed that you grow closer to reconnecting through this. Happy thoughts!This message has been edited. Last edited by: wildcatmom,
When you send the stocking will you be able to "fill" it, with things like a gift card or two, or other needed items and label it all Christmas gifts not "assistance"?
So glad that she is emailing. I wonder if she doesn't want to see you yet because it would hurt her too much to have to go back to the life with less after seeing what she could be having. Peace for you and her to continue connecting.
Madelyn
Posts: 5763 | Location: SE MN | Registered: Jan 02, 2006
.... being the mom of a DD who is gone forever - I'd give anything to have one more Christmas ... YOU are about to enter a stage of having those Christmases come back - I'd say Do Not Manipulate her with things that will hurt her or anger that family. They are cruel people and would use any of those touches to prove their point that she needs to keep away from you. Go easy, maybe some little thing that would be a 'secret' that would never need explaining ... something that could not be seen by others. Don't rush and don't over-do - that family may not know she is contacting you. She knows how much you love and miss her - she loves and misses you - she has asked for respect - perhaps this reminder will jog something for you. My heart aches for your loss and rejoices in your happiness to have an opportunity again to touch her. She might be using a library computer to reach you - a safe place to make her contacts. I'm thinking small bottles of shampoo w/conditioner - small toothpaste and brushes, unscented deodorant, things she can tuck into pockets and hide/move if necessary ... and who doesn't like those marvelous little candies wrapped in gold foil sold at every checkout counter during the holidays? Continuing in prayer for all of you.
I cannot change 'things', but I can change how I feel about them. Me.
I am happy for you that at least there is some contact. One other idea I thought of was those easy rolled tube pillowcases. We don't have a lot of money for Christmas this year so made everyone some of these. The fun part was tailoring it to that certain person. Like my sister and her DH go camping so theirs is a camping fabric. This would also be every night she goes to bed with these on her pillow might have her thinking of you.
