i have a problem. i love going to thrift stores, garage sales and such. my dh doesn't want any of that stuff in the house. he says he would just as soon buy new. i just got a brand new couch for cottage (which he rarely goes to) from the salvation army. it is in my sons garage for now. the couch and loveseat are beautiful...donated by a local furnature store. as i thought about it, they would look great in our den. but dh refuses. says we will just buy a new one. i get so frustrated because i love to get great deals. i know you all can relate. sometimes i will get small things (china,pots and pans,dishes )and he will ask where they came from. i tell him "oh, i just had it laying around. i have a craft room that i can put anything i want in. what to do? anyone? thanks,debbie

Well, Debbie, I think this is one of those areas where you will have to tread carefully! I am sympathetic as I love to buy "treasures" at yard sales and thrift shops but there was a time when I would only have second hand things in my home if they came from family. My DH has always been pretty laid back about the entire "pre-owned" thing and doesn't notice what the decor is anyhow.

I never recommend lying in a relationship but perhaps when you buy things you can't resist you could put them in a cupboard out of sight for awhile then say if asked "oh, I've had this for ages"!

I expect your DH feels if you buy 2nd hand that it is a reflection of his ability to provide properly for his family. Would he be influenced if you explained you just love the ecological aspect of saving things from the landfill? Or of your preference for objects with the patina of age?

If he knows you will clean everything thoroughly before using it may make a difference also. I have spent many hours washing and refurbishing items when we resold YS finds in our store. They were as good as new in most cases. Now that I am only buying for me, I immediately, when we return from YS'ing, wash everything. Amazing what can be washed with no harm. I even wash lamps, of course I don't plug them in til they are thoroughly dry.

Good luck with this, I'm sure with communication it can be resolved in some satisfactory way.

Hi Debbie - I agree whole-heartedly with joy (lucky). This is a very delicate subject. Try not to push to hard, and focus on the ecological aspect of it. Introduce it very little, by very little....

I'd start really small... Like a 100% wool sweater that I purchased 2nd hand.... shrunk in the washer in extremely hot water..... cut into floral pattern pieces and made cute brooches....

Jewelry may not be your thing.. but I am giving you an idea or 'just' how small i would start...

Or maybe a couple of canning jars to store supplies (seasonings, soaps, threads, paperclips etc) to look pretty on a counter or in a cabinet....

This is not worth a battle in the home... You have to live there every day.

HTH - Hope this helps...

...oh as for the couch... perhaps her won't mind if you re-upholstered it... see how he would feel about that??????

This message has been edited. Last edited by: NJTomboy,

I agree with joy and nj. Its a little hard for me to relate 'cause my dh is a little cheap(oh who am I kidding, a lot cheap) when it comes to things around the house, that he doesnt notice anyway.

Hope you resolve this. If you like to create, why not do them in your craft room and sell them. Maybe if he sees that people will pay for these items, he will see them in a new light.

My DH doesn't particularly care for them either, BUT is fine with it if he doesn't have to get involved.

Like yesterday when I was at the Habitat store, I called him to come p/u the bifold doors I found...he growled & fussed that he has to do so much to make these things "fit" that I drag home from wherever...but he went along with it!

Hang in there, I bet he will come around.

LOL, when I saw the title of this thread I thought..."Did I start that thread???"

Hey, NJ Tomboy, I can't keep up with that much dancing!!

I'm sorry y'all, I haven't posted much in this forum...I thought I was on the General Decorating forum!

Guess I will have to work on keeping up, but, in the meantime, hello everyone...

i hate when people are this way!! drives me nuts the couches at our gw are steamed when brought in mom just got a sherill one that is like a 700 couch for 75 the thing is mint!!!
my brother in law says i cant stand clothes in a gw that are worn by other people i said well guess what most people wash and donate but that shirt you just tried on at the store was tried on by how many who even knows and then you bought it so that stuff you are buying in dept stores is just as used!!! he was like eww when you put it that way!! i said well it is a matter of fact lool that shut him up quick!!!!

Sorry to here you and your DH are not seeing eye to eye on used items. For some reason (that may not be known to you)he can't or doesn't want used items in the home. Does this also go for your vehicles?
I wish everyone could have a partner like my DH when I see something new or used that I want he always says; if that is what you want. If I want to redo something around the house and mention it to him he says if that is what you want.
To bad living green or not filling up the land fill is not that strong on his mind.
But it sounds like you don't go without anything so be happy with your DH and live on love and for present time forget about used items.
Have a nice day.
Pat

quote:

Originally posted by PeriParker:
Hey, NJ Tomboy, I can't keep up with that much dancing!!

OMGOSH - You have a partner! A double woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Peri.... We are a lot less formal here in T2T... LOL WELCOME!

You tell it like it is kim!

OMG, I love those dancing avatars, but i am easily amused.

I wouldn't lie to him as that is just never good for a relationship. I think an honest to goodness sit down heart to heart is what is needed. There may be a reason he doesn't want used. Could have something to do with childhood or being made to feel like he can't provide new for his family. It could simply be a phoebia of some kind. Discuss it with him so you both can feel better.

It's such a tricky situation. I grew up having almost entirely used things, so it's really hard for me to give advice here.

It does sound like if you could get to the root of why he views new as better and pre-owned as negative, then that would go a long way to finding some sort of compromise that isn't stifling you, or overwhelming him.

Here's hoping you're able to gain some insights into it, and find an acceptable work-around. Let us know what happens.

I would introduce things in small doses also. Also maybe purchase him something he would love to have with the savings!! My husband got more interested when he saw all the wonderful tools. He loves tools. The quality of older antiques (especially furniture) is so much better than a lot of newer pieces.I guess it depends on what his taste is in furniture. It sounds like you both have different tastes and somehow need to compromise.

See My DH dosent mind picking something up from the side of teh road. I do I am embarrased maybe because i have vanity plates and I do alot of driving. I dont want someone to see me later on. OH you picked something out of our garbage. UMM DUh. I do love garage sales Salvation army for certain things. Theres nothing wrong with anything as long as its a great piece. Men can be so dumb ok so can I. Stil in all you have to respect him and he should come to a compromise. Its a 50/50 marriage so should the say so. He should respect that you are thrifty and like to have pride in something you made or a great find. Just becareful. What about your own space in your house where he cant say a word??

Well, I have to disagree with everyone here.

If you love it, your DH better learn to live with it. Maybe I'm just hard to get along with but I'd never let any man dictate to me what I can or cannot buy!

My husband isn't crazy about used things either, but if he wants me in his life, he has to put up with it because it's part of who I am.

Debbie h. You started off your post with "I have a problem.." you know what's best for you and your household. You do what's going to give you peace of mind in the home where you reside.

We don't live there day by day. Tell us what you decide to do....


Whatever you do.... be creative! That's the Trash to Treasure way! LOL

quote:

If you love it, your DH better learn to live with it. Maybe I'm just hard to get along with but I'd never let any man dictate to me what I can or cannot buy!

I do agree with this, but then it's easy talking with a partner who curb shops with me! Though I have to say, even though we always picked up things from the trash, at the same time years ago, in the earlier years of our relationship he was quite a spender as well. He would get something in his head and we just had to go buy it. I hated it. I think I finally cured him from that when I found a brand new electric razor in the trash, just when he needed one. Not long after that we 'separated' and now live in two apartments next door from each other (the only way to get more space in my densely populated country). That costs a bit and we couldn't even afford to buy the stuff we used to and he knows it. I kept most of our old stuff and we completely furnished his flat with curb finds and things given to us and that includes the cooker, fridge, tv, vacuum cleaner and more!

He never argues with me anymore when he 'wants' something and I reply 'let's see what we find'. But over the years he has also become more aware of the ecologic aspect of it. So that's my advice, as was also suggested in one of the first replies: is there a way you can explain this to him? It's for one part overproduction of unnecerassary consumer good that threatens our Earth, and maybe not during HIS life, but for sure his children's and (future) grandchildren's life! Break the cycle and use only second hand is my small contribution to stopping that.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kobus,

thanks to all who responded. i am able to buy anything i want from garage sales and salvation army for my craft room. so i can get my "high" from getting good deals and unusual things. i do buy things from ebay. somehow,that doesn't bother him.(Just got pampered chef pots and pans for a great deal) but i think dh thinks ebay sells mostly new things. he doesn't ask.