I don't think it has anything to do with you personally. Its more about the reduced traffic to the site. Personally, I dislike the format, the difficulty posting pictures, and the cattiness and meanness of some of the members. The big turnoff for me was when a poster, excited over a weekend find, started a Monday morning post with a name similar to MMF and several people jumped all over her about starting an MMF post before the regular poster did and they chased her off the board. If those people want to own the board, then they can have it. I much prefer Facebook and Pinterest which are more user-friendly and you can unfriend or stop following anyone who you disagree with or who offends you. I always enjoy your photos so I think that, given the reduced traffic, the number of views is a better indicator of the level of interest in what you post rather than the number of responses.
MyLifeVacation1, I LOVE your flower garden
I do NOT claim to be an expert, I only offer an opinion on this topic as I see it. I hope I offend no one, but if I do, I will deal with it. I am wordy on this post (and most of the time these days) so if you hate wordy posts, just skim over it, no offense.
I hit 'post now' with a bit of anxiety, BUT it is how I felt today reading the comments so I hope it is taken with less importance than I was intending, just to state reasons and explanations as to how I arrived at a conclusion.
I am glad to know you were lurking! It is good to be busy and have work that is for sure!
I hope you do have time to post your new wood floor!
And you are so right, LIFE gets busy and LIFE has a way of creaping in on our routines.
How wonderful that you also were lurking Makes me feel so much better when posting when I know that there really ARE nice people out there reading posts!
I think you will find that on any board (harassment) because they can post in anonymity so the cutting words of alter egos can flow.
I love your flower garden too!
I agree, reduced traffic to this site! Who knows how long they will keep it open?
I like Facebook and Pinterest too, and on a Blog, you can choose not to post a negative comment by monitoring before accepting the posts. That does not work with open forums like this one.
I was just attacked (with words) on another board from two posters who must tag team. I deleted my post, wrote that I would not return to read their comments. I checked back 4 days later, all comments stopped by them. No audience, no battle! This was a new board for me to post on, so I was the stranger that someone could hone in on. I KNEW this was the fact, did not take it personally and LEFT. This happens ALL over the internet where comments are allowed! Even though the boards that are public, those posting on them forget and put up the 'territorial' walls! Always boggles my mind!
And I am going to comment to any posters (people not feeling they 'fit in' here). IF you remember your first days at school in September when you were going to a new school (such as transition from middle to high school). The rules were different, the kids were different, only scattered few friends around, and you felt like you didn't fit in. This is ALSO the process of reintroducing yourself to a new board or situation, you gradually find where you fit in with a group. Group dynamics are complicated. And there are many books written on it. Everyone automatically goes to the slot left vacant that is not being expressed and plays the roles (such as Huskies pulling a sled). The Alphas claim their spots (and aggressively protect) and others take what they like or can handle.
So, that being said, just hang around where you do not feel comfortable, post neutral comments and try out what you want to say, the responses will show you how tight or accepting the team is. As they say choose your battles!
Cliques are like teams, they can get strong when they are the 'only ones left standing'. So, when members leave, the remaining create a survivor-bond. That is why 'older' (not meaning age) posters develop a supportive type behavior towards other loyal posters who are still around. This happens with Bloggers too. It is not meant to cause harm, just emotional protection against being emotionally hurt by getting close to someone and having them leave so quickly. That causes new posters to shyly post and see what happens.
Too deep a theory, but hopefully helpful.
This psychology of the board communication is so complex I obviously picked only a few points and also simplified it too much and added my own opinions so take them or leave them (you may comment your opinion about my opinions... lol).
So, if anyone feels 'left out' or not fitting in... it is the dynamics at work, NOT YOU and no one means to attack or ignore, they just have a different perspective that happens in THEIR life and time they have to post!
We are only human and our behavior is not simple (as just reading the news shows us) and we are not sheltered from the world as the internet shows us so much more going on in life every day than we were ever exposed to before all this instant technology! Financial hard times contribute to our insecurities about our homes, and lifestyles and can create envy.
iPads and modern phones make it so people can check their messages and respond in a few words. Not everyone is sitting at home on a home computer, so they may just read the text, view the photos (on their phones IF they follow and get updates from the board) and continue with their day. IF lurkers do not have any set up to have daily emails (setting also has a weekly setting) then they will only find out what is going on when they actually visit the site. I am reminded every day of what is posted because I opted for daily notification. Everyone's situation is different.
But I have to tell you, sitting at the computer for me is because I HAVE to rest between chores, and I used to lay down. I got tired of that because holding and reading a book was next to impossible for me to do, so I sat at the computer where I do mind puzzles to keep my mind sharp and then now have included viewing a couple of boards and playing scrabble with some of my friends online.
Now I have more time for life and less for computer, so I am slowly backing out of what has become superfluous activity for me (like FB games and boards where I am not a regular). Almost like cleaning and organizing my home, same for my time. That does not mean I do not like the people who post, I will just have less time to spend reading and commenting.
The time we DO have is precious, we can choose to spend it however WE like! I choose to live where LOVE and Flow of life is peaceful, so I will follow and gather where those vibrations are and where others seek same no matter where that leads me. It does not mean here or there, it means following the flow that makes me happy and consciously cause no harm (I am human and therefore subject to being imperfect...).
I have been alive for 63 years, most of that life was not pleasant (no choice), but some of my life was very good and I have appreciation for those good times. I want to ADD more!!! My life is about, actively pursuing positive energy, beautiful things to look at (nature, art & design), the process of creating and collecting and keeping the good friends while on my journey.
ISN'T THAT what counts when you come down to it? The pursuit of happiness?
WISHING all of you HAPPINESS for the Holiday season and year ahead!This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mary Ruth,
*****We don't see things as they are, we see things as WE are! ***** (Anaias Nin)***** http://pinterest.com/mary_ruth/
I agree. I have been busy myself and haven't had much time to get on here like I used to. I hope to settle down soon so I can come back to post and comment.
glad to see you posting!
I hope you have a great holiday season!
Time is short like our money (make less, and worth less) these days!!!
AND create a drama... and get over 1,000 views!!! Said in FUN!This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mary Ruth,
*****We don't see things as they are, we see things as WE are! ***** (Anaias Nin)***** http://pinterest.com/mary_ruth/
Mary Ruth, I started this thread and as you see my first post has to do with why my threads get so little response. this is taking the current membership into account. I am speaking of responses to my posts, relative to others of the current membership.
Of course I know that many people have left and also that the boards are managed with new management.
I don't think Magnaverde is active on Gardenweb either. One thing that concerns me when people disappear is actually concern for their health and well being, while taking into account that people sometimes drop in and out of groups for personal reasons that have nothing to do with health.
Also personally I have had no trouble with the boards technology. Can post pics same as always, get connected same as always, so those kind of problems are news to me.
WWanda, I am not being too sensitive. I am asking a simple question. I am a very active member of this board (and others also) Even with reduced membership, some people seem to be board favorites and others not. That is not being too sensitive that is recognizing things for what they are. Also of course I am not speaking of all members at all times.
Lets say member B posts and I always respond, but she never responds to any of my threads, wouldn't you wonder?
Many people have posted on this thread about cliquishness and while it is hard for me to imagine how some individuals who rarely meet IRL could form a clique, it does seem that some posters have a following or are board favorites (less so now than in the past)
MLV1, yes I understand that, in fact there is one poster who seems to be gunning for me now. Don't know why, but it will probably prevent me from posting anymore pics because why should I go to the trouble to take them, upload them, decrease the sizes, post them; to have snide, insulting remarks made?
Life today seems to be made up of much rudeness, maybe the anonymity of communications (like these) maybe just the common culture is becoming coarser and crueler (look at reality t.v.!) and that is the simple answer.
Emily, I hesitate to post further to this thread because, frankly, I'd just like to see it disappear. IMO if one has any expectations as to popularity on forums one is sure to be disappointed. I don't think this is the first time you have asked the question as to WHY you don't get the responses you expect. I no longer have expectations of multiple responses to my threads but do watch the views so know there are many people who may benefit. That is my goal in posting, not to get a lot of glory. Home decor forums for me are a place to learn about home decor and not a 'social center' for meeting 'friends' online.
I've never had problems with the technology here or on any other forum but used a Mac most of the time which I know you also do which have fewer such problems I believe.
*Some* people never, or almost never, post to my threads and you are one of them. I also only occasionally post to your threads, especially those showing your home, because I have little to say. Like aychihuahua I am no longer "offering platitudes or attagirls or empty affirmations" that are meaningless. Surely you must know that your style is not going to be popular with everyone. Neither is mine which is why I don't post many pics of my home and don't try to solicit those empty platitudes I might get. When I do start an informational thread I just throw it out there with no expectations and sometimes don't even 'tend' it as I used to. Just don't have the time or inclination to attach much emotion to it. It's only a forum after all, not really all that important in my life altho I do enjoy learning new things when that happens.
Cliquishness is a definite factor in play here and I know there used to be many PM groups behind the scenes because I was involved with several in the past. Those are breeding grounds for cliquish behavior and it's hard to believe the nastiness of some otherwise well-mannered members unless one sees it in person. Forums are like a mini-universe just like life and there will always be those who follow and defend those they admire or think have more power than they do. There will also be those who are not followers so don't buy into that scenario. Is part of your problem that you want to be a "board favorite" and feel that's not happening for you?
Unlike some other's who have commented I do think it is personal and I feel that strongly. Some of us who have been here for years have made enemies and you and I are included in that. I think that when a person posts asking why they are not more popular it just causes some others to want to tell them to 'grow up' as life is not a popularity contest. I think your expectations of being universally liked is not realistic. I don't regard responses on forums as a popularity contest and don't depend on them for my social life which I think some seem to do.
I expect there will be some who take offense at my take on this situation and that's too bad but not my problem. These are my honest opinions and you can report my post or not - your choice.
"I have always had an aversion to the concepts of in style and out of style." ~Rose Tarlow
Inspirational pics: http://inspiration4u.shutterfly.com/
I see other boards struggling with less activity...I thought many people had transferred most of their time to Facebook.
I come/go on the boards depending on what my life is encountering. We have times when the house is like a B&B with so many guests. During those spells I am not on for weeks at a time.
Also, for many months I couldn't really contribute much to the decorating boards as we were trying to sell our home and I was veryyyy active up in the Real Estate section.
And there are times when I am so overwhelmed by the beauty y'all achieve that I just 'look' at the posts and say "Wow" and move on.
I do; however, appreciate all the time/effort so many of you apply for us all to enjoy
I mostly lurk unless I can contribute something worth while or comment if I find a real piece of "eye candy" someone has posted. Maybe we need a "like" button like facebook has. That way we can quickly acknowledge we do like/appreciate what was posted and comment further if we feel the need
I'm not going to bash but I think your assessment of LOS is coming off as she has mental health issues??? I think that's a bit harsh. I along with Joyluck don't see this thread going anywhere.
Aychihuahua, I'm not sure if you realize it, but this is very abusive behavior to call somebody basically nuts even privately let alone on an open forum. Have you heard of defamation of character? That is so nasty and disrespectful.
Here is the definition in case you arn't aware.
"Any intentional false communication, either written or spoken, that harms a person's reputation; decreases the respect, regard, or confidence in which a person is held; or induces disparaging, hostile, or disagreeable opinions or feelings against a person."
Not sure why I bother coming here at all.
****Look at objects not only for what they are, but for what they could be, vg****
Ok, and Wow! Maybe I spoke too soon. There will never be growth on this board if people forget that this is a DECORATING message board, not a place for bashing of ANY kind.
Well, when one poses the question of why one is being mistreated, one must expect (if not hope for) frank replies. My own opinion is that ALL of us are very senstive about the number of, or lack thereof, replies our threads receive. It is childish, but then I gave up long ago wondering when I would be too mature for childish reaction.
LOS, I was going to stay out of this and PM you with my thoughts, but here goes:
We, you & I and I'm sure others are older, and on the "down" side of our decorating. I can only speak for myself, but I'm not redecorating whole rooms or houses. I don't want to. Like you, I LIKE the furnishings I have. I maybe get a new piece here and there, but they are few. Most of the pictures I post are "old news" and therefore not so interesting to the entire group. Also, the younger members of the group and the professional decorators are not into our style. I get few responses most of the time, and I get it.
I do admire you for continuing to post. You are one of the people on this board that make it interesting, and I admire you willingness to stay active on the boards.
Finally, I DO NOT think you need professional mental help! That's just being mean, and a good example of why people don't post much anymore.This message has been edited. Last edited by: Annon,
Here are some reasons I stopped posting regularly:
In 2009, my beloved husband of 21 yrs died, he was 48, I was 40. I had no desire to decorate our house, being in our home was brutal, and I just wanted to run away. I was very busy with grieving, trying to keep my head above water financially (his medical bills totalled over 2 million dollars), and raising a very devastated, grieving teenager by myself, with no help from friends or family, who all abandoned us. I lost my job, his income, both our vehicles, and just barely kept our house. I remember deleting this site from my favorites list, it hurt too much to see something I had so enjoyed when he was here. He used to ask what projects everyone had going on, and I'd share with him.
Eventually, I started becoming interested in our surroundings again. But for a while, everything I did was a punch in the gut, because he wasn't here to see it or enjoy it with us. We always had a lot of fun doing projects together. I'm very blessed in that I'm now engaged to a man who shares a similar love of house and yard.
I post regularly on a young widow/er board. It's what kept me going, I wouldn't have survived if I hadn't found that support group. They were my lifeline. I met others who knew what this life is like now, I met such strong and amazing people (we get together sometimes in real life). One, a beautiful young lady in her 20's, lost her husband and 3 yr old daughter in a car accident. A drunk driver hit them head on, and my friend will be handicapped for life.
Now, I'm visiting here again, and I just read this thread. I guess my perspective is very different now. This is not life or death. It's a great place to share a love for beautiful things, even if beauty doesn't mean the same for everyone.
PLEASE know, I did not make this post to chastise, or sound holier-than-thou. I promise that was not my intention ... or to sound like I have some kind of greater understanding of life and death. I don't, and I'm certainly not the only person who has suffered a loss. Everyone's hurt is valid in life, no matter what people deem significant or not. However, this is a big reason why some posters/lurkers might be turned off: are we being scored? If we don't post on certain threads, or to certain posters? Is someone keeping a scorecard, and our every move here is noted for later? I don't like that at all. I can't be here all the time, many cannot. And as others said, I use an I-Pad now, and it's not as user-friendly as a desktop computer. It takes me forever to type something out, and I can't post pictures from it (I'm on a desk top model right now).
I've been here since Day One. I've seen so much talk over the years of cliques, mean girls, etc. I just want to come here and enjoy a hobby (or business for some, as it once was for me, before my entire world came crumbling down), and smile.
My advice is to be thankful for what you have, hug your loved ones, and enjoy making your home and yard beautiful. If coming here has such a negative influence in someone's life, I'd suggest not coming, and starting a blog or FB page, or whatever, in which you can control the actions of others. Life is too short.
Wishing everyone much peace and happiness, for the holidays, and beyond.
.This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mîz M,
It is good to hear from you Jill. You have been missed.
Summers are just this side of hell, but you don't have to shovel sunshine...
Click on the left to show albums
I'm finding this difficult to believe. We're descending into dangerous territory here and it boggles my mind.
Some of us need to grow up and some of us need to shut up...take your pick.
**Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain**
Not that my opinion matters since I don't post much, but I second Belstone.....I was glad to get out of high school to get away from this kind of thing.....
We all have busy lives-work, home, family, health issues, etc. This is a message board where we come to post, or lurk for enjoyment. And this is not enjoyable...
LOS, I dont have time to read all the responses to this post, but I am one who appreciates what you post and your thoughtful responses to others.
I often don't have time for reponses or others have said it as
lady s you always do a great job on every thing you do
I have been a member of HGTV boards off and on since 2001 or 2002. I pop in every now and again and have re-registered several times as the boards have gone through various changes. I seldom post anymore and only pop in every few months. The format here is frustrating and it gives my computer major fits. I also like to discuss other topics besides Decorating and HGTV tends to like us to stay on topic. But I do keep this place on my favorites and every now and then do come and visit.
I used to know so many folks from here but over the years many have scattered. There's a few old time HGTVers here: http://z6.invisionfree.com/Mum...mbo_Gumbo/index.php? and we always welcome anyone else to join in.
Jill, I am glad to see you again. I have so missed you and I am thrilled at your news of being engaged. I left you a couple of PMs last time I popped in here and would love to catch up with you. Unfortunately.....I can't move around here very well and have no idea if I even sent the pms or if you received them and my old email you had for me is no longer in use and hasn't been in use for several years. Please, please, please come by MJG and catch up.
I have to apologize, I have been SO lazy about replying to posts. I will try harder. I'm sorry about that. It's nothing personal.
But I was on a cruise about the time of this thread. Sure had fun, and wish I was still on it.
Thought both efforts to be very well done. Just a busy time of year for me, where I spend most of my waking hours focused on clients homes, with not much time for my own place.So commenting on someone else's work is woefully lost in the shuffle.
Keep posting. You may be the spark someone else desperately needs.
I had some time away from the boards due to some major life changes. We put our home up for sale, and after 2 times at closing ending in catastrophe. Spent some time moving around & taking it all in. I did stop by time to time, but didn't post much.
When I did post, I also felt like I didn't fit in. There are ceratin posters who seemed to "clique" and some who didn't.
I always enjoyed getting real ideas from real people without just the inspiration pics. I can find pictures anywhere. I liked the opinions from others. Others eyes see things differntly than we do, and it was great to get feedback ( when people responded). There were the few responses that I was really tired of from certain posters. For example I enjoy darker colors , and there was always the push for me to change paint when I stated i do not care for lighter colors in my personal home. There was always insult without anything nice, or any good advice.
Here recently, I have asked for a little master bedrrom help, as of tomight 130 views and 2 comments from 1 person other than myself.
But yet, other posts , not even related to decorating get replys.. I guess I am gonna give up, and delte my posts.. I don't really care for blogs, and really enjoyed this place before , but now its quite sad.
Sometimes it's just a simple "I don't know what to say" so I don't say anything.
Boo, I've been away from the boards for a bit. I will go take a look at your post
Don't any of you leave this board. I love this decorating board. And there isn't many of them. Please don't any of you go. We can keep this board going. I will miss y'all if you left. : (
Just came back to see if the OP was still MIA. She is. Too bad. I also note that one particularly mean-spirited post has been deleted (unless I missed it). Smart move. I just hope that a private message of apology was issued -- although the mean-spirited post was issued publicly, I think a public apology to the OP should have been issued but that would be too much to ask I suppose. Oh well, life goes on, a new year is about to begin, and things will be better.
I have been off these boards for a month and a half. It's been so busy around here trying to get the kitchen done and the house and yard ready for holiday parties.
Plus, I guess I just needed a break. But now that I've decided to get back on, the first thing I see is more turmoil. I haven't read all the posts in the thread but I get the jist.
LOS you shouldn't put that much importance on what others think or if they reply or comment to your posts. In the worldly scope of things it's pretty insignificant. Sure, we all enjoy getting compliments from board members but if we don't does it make our lives or our work any less enjoyable?
Yes I remember those good old days with drunk kitty and janiekins cat that gave a demonstration on how to place a throw,,we honestly has good clean fun, no one was hurt but had plenty of laughs..I just checked in this evening and lo and behold this perked my interest..
Good evening to all...
Hi Joyce, how ya doing? Good seeing you : )
Thank you, doing great, miss the fun times...
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mary Ruth:
"I like Facebook and Pinterest too..."
I am one of your followers on Pinterest. Love your boards. - Cyndi
I like your "like" button idea, but then i suddenly realized there would be an issue with people only getting a certain number of likes and others not getting much at all. It's like Twitter, facebook, Instagram, and all the other sites. some people beg for followers and responses, and some just go along and get minimal to nothing in response. I've been on Twitter for over 3 years and still have "relatively few" followers. Same for Instagram, hardly much, but i just do it for me and have a few people i 'chat' with. I"m used ot not being a popular person, though.
I'm not on here a lot because I don't have time to be. I come to see all of the posters on here who posts pictures and ideas. I don't always comment but please know that I read every post and look at all your pictures. I like it better than pinterest.
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